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This Is Serious!

It may, in fact, make you delirious.
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Crazy People That Happen To Me V

Posted 02-20-2009 at 07:42 AM by OANST
About six or seven years ago I was working for a home improvement company which paid me to walk door to door setting up appointments for sales reps to come out and do estimates. We would go to all sorts of different areas to do this. Some were very nice. Some were very not.

One day, I was working on a street that was filled with beautiful homes. Most of them were two story colonials, and they were all kept immaculate. Every single house but the one on the corner. This home was dilapidated and apparently came with it's very own dregs of society, as there were five disheveled and dirty looking people sitting on the porch and the lawn.

Now, I never skip a house. I go to every home no matter what it looks like. It's impossible to know what a person's situation is just from looking at them. It's always possible that they received some kind of settlement for something, and that this allows them the luxury to live in their own filth.

So, I walk up to the group and start asking them about the homeowner. I soon find out that one of the guys with a mullet rents the home. I immediately lose interest and begin to leave. As I'm walking away, a very fit and quite good looking asian girl calls for me to wait. I stop, thinking that she may want some work done on her home, and she walks over to me.

My vision of her being pretty is completely shattered as soon as she opens her mouth. Her teeth, every fucking one of them, are completely black. She looks like she has been chewing on tar for about ten years. And then she starts talking.

For the first few sentences it's fine. She does talk to me about home improvement type things. But all of a sudden she changes the subject.

"Do you want me to suck your dick?", she asks.

I tell her that I'm working right now and that my boss will probably be coming around to pick me up soon. "It won't take long", says she.

"I have a girlfriend", I tell her.

"Well, I won't tell her", she says.

At this point I just tell her that I appreciate the offer but I just can't. I then walk away, expecting at any moment to hear the sound of the other crack heads running after me, with the intent of beating and robbing my person.
Total Comments 19

Comments

Old
Wil's Avatar
Better than suddenly hearing the sound of them sucking your dick.
Posted 02-20-2009 at 07:50 AM by Wil Wil is offline

Old
OANST's Avatar
You have a point there.
Posted 02-20-2009 at 07:54 AM by OANST OANST is offline

Old
Mac Sirloin's Avatar
I'm glad this is the last thing I read before going out of town for the week end.
Posted 02-20-2009 at 10:12 AM by Mac Sirloin Mac Sirloin is offline

Old
shaman's Avatar
HA!
Posted 02-20-2009 at 01:07 PM by shaman shaman is offline

Old
Slog Bait's Avatar
That's just slightly disturbing.
Posted 02-20-2009 at 03:44 PM by Slog Bait Slog Bait is offline

Old
Venks's Avatar
Aww man. A perfectly good asian girl gone to waste. Dang how I love them asians.
Posted 02-20-2009 at 04:43 PM by Venks Venks is offline

Old
Pilot's Avatar
Quote:
Better than suddenly hearing the sound of them sucking your dick.
Yeah, even worse if it was in a bathroom stall. Can you picture that mouth peeking over at you with a big hungry grin? *UGH*
Posted 02-20-2009 at 07:39 PM by Pilot Pilot is offline

Old
Wil's Avatar
ENOUGH WITH THE SODDING BATHROOM STALLS

I had a chance for some action tonght, but YOU RUINED IT BECAUSE THERE WAS NO SPARK. YOU BASTARDS
Posted 02-20-2009 at 07:44 PM by Wil Wil is offline

Old
Wil's Avatar
I would like to go on record as the drunkest admin OWF has ever endured.
Posted 02-20-2009 at 07:44 PM by Wil Wil is offline

Old
Wil's Avatar
Wow. I must have been in quite a state to forget about the existence of Peter.
Posted 02-21-2009 at 04:08 AM by Wil Wil is offline

Old
Pilot's Avatar
Come over to my house and I'll make up for your ruined time.

Serious. I need this NOW.
Posted 02-21-2009 at 09:02 AM by Pilot Pilot is offline

Old
Wil's Avatar
O.K., be right over! Itís about time we had another forum relationship. Those usually turn out pretty swell.

FYI your last name amuses me.
Posted 02-21-2009 at 09:13 AM by Wil Wil is offline

Old
Pilot's Avatar
Yeah, tough we didn't do this before I came to England earlier this year. We all know online relationships are the best relationships!

FYI It amuses me too. Makes me pretty easy to find though since I'm the only person who comes up on google by that name.

Some other suggestions are Justin Rubsum and Justin Rubonsomecream. (Actual mockeries from elementary school)
Posted 02-21-2009 at 10:37 AM by Pilot Pilot is offline

Old
shaman's Avatar
or justin time!
Posted 02-21-2009 at 11:20 AM by shaman shaman is offline

Old
Pilot's Avatar
Oh man, you are SO right! Justin Time saves the day again!

Much better than my old sidekick, Justin Case.
Posted 02-21-2009 at 11:23 AM by Pilot Pilot is offline

Old
shaman's Avatar
justin cheese?
Posted 02-21-2009 at 11:30 AM by shaman shaman is offline

Old
Jordan's Avatar
Oh SHAMAN. You just raped the joke over and over. How could you!?

Also, ew black teeth lady. I'd have cringed and thrown up in her face.
Posted 02-21-2009 at 11:37 AM by Jordan Jordan is offline

Old
shaman's Avatar
Stop me before i rape a joke over and over again ... (without banning me if possible)
Posted 02-21-2009 at 11:40 AM by shaman shaman is offline

Old
Pilot's Avatar
Quote:
without banning me if possible
Out of the question.
Posted 02-21-2009 at 12:11 PM by Pilot Pilot is offline

 

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