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Drama queen. I hate literally everything. April Ludgate is my spirit animal.

[Edit 13 Oct 2017] I just realized how edgy my blog description is but it's funny so I'll leave it there lmao
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confession

Posted 01-31-2018 at 07:37 AM by FrustratedAssassin
I used to masturbate onto birds at a local park. Not a thing that I'm particularly proud of but I became quite good at it. I was taking zinc supplements so I was shooting massive loads and it became something of a sport to me. For anyone interested here is your best strategy. first, you need to find an isolated spot so you don't become a sex offender. I found a short kind of channel area where I saw the pigeons would congregate. Next, you arouse yourself. I was usually content with envisioning the occasional jogging lady coming over and taking a shit on my chest and that was enough to fuel the fire but if you're not as sexually charged as me just take some porn on the go. After you're good an horny, you get some bread. My pigeons preferred white bread but healthier birds might have a taste for honey wheat or maybe even multigrain. Fat, unhealthy birds are slower and easier to hit so remember that. Once you are seated on the bench and ready to do the deed, whip your roosevelt out and scatter bread out within a few feet of you. use your judgement based on how far you know you can cum. I was a lonely and depraved soul who could hit targets the size of a thimble at distances up to 4 feet. You wait for the pigeons to begin eating and to get comfortable with your presence. At this point, you want to coo gently and talk sensually to them to gain their trust. Now you're finally ready to cum on your bird. This is a tough part because the rapid motion of masturbation is very frightening to the birds, so you have to be subtle. Once you master a technique, you simply wind it up and let it go, aiming depending on your past cumming experiences. I always came high so I would aim for the neck of the bird and catch it right in the face. It's an extremely satisfying and erotic feeling, seeing those birds reel around covered in cum and maybe even transporting it to other places in the city. Either way I haven't done it in years but every now and then I catch myself gazing wistfully at a flock of birds, cock throbbing and waiting for them to land close to me.
Total Comments 11

Comments

Old
Phoetux's Avatar
The Zoophilia years are back.
Posted 01-31-2018 at 09:21 AM by Phoetux Phoetux is offline

Old
Varrok's Avatar
This is certainly normal and progressive
Posted 01-31-2018 at 12:21 PM by Varrok Varrok is offline

Old
Vexen's Avatar
This is genius.
Posted 01-31-2018 at 12:24 PM by Vexen Vexen is offline

Old
Xorlidyr's Avatar
This style of writing is not FA-like. I do not believe she wrote that.
Posted 02-01-2018 at 12:56 AM by Xorlidyr Xorlidyr is offline

Old
Varrok's Avatar
As some people pointed out, it's a pasta
Posted 02-01-2018 at 01:50 AM by Varrok Varrok is offline

Old
FrustratedAssassin's Avatar
It's a great pasta
Posted 02-04-2018 at 06:31 AM by FrustratedAssassin FrustratedAssassin is offline

Old
Havoc's Avatar
Yay I'm not the weirdest person around here anymore whooooo
Posted 02-04-2018 at 11:35 AM by Havoc Havoc is offline

Old
Varrok's Avatar
You are. It was a pasta.
Posted 02-05-2018 at 07:15 AM by Varrok Varrok is offline

Old
Havoc's Avatar
Posted 02-06-2018 at 12:02 PM by Havoc Havoc is offline

Old
Auriel's Avatar
Posted 02-07-2018 at 06:45 AM by Auriel Auriel is offline

Old
Phoetux's Avatar
Posted 02-09-2018 at 11:55 AM by Phoetux Phoetux is offline

 

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