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Listen to this shit.

Posted 04-14-2016 at 02:50 AM by Alf Shall Rise
Hi guys, I've been a little inactive these past few days because of college and all of that fun hellish shit. But I've got a story to tell.

This happened yesterday at around one in the afternoon. I was on my computer, at home, doing my business when my dog starts barking at something outside. Now, understand that my dog barks at a ton of shit, so this was nothing new: he barks at every single dog he sees as well as plastic bags. So immediately, I assume he's just barking at some dumb shit, but I get up to look out the window regardless just in case.

It's a good thing I did.

Upon looking outside, I happened to notice that an old man was looking through my garbage. The first thought that popped into my head was that he was some homeless dude looking for food. But then I immediately realized that, no, I've only seen a few homeless people in my town throughout my entire life, and none of them are ever on my dead end block. But then I thought, wait, maybe this is just the exception, you know? But the guy didn't look homeless. Then it looked like he was almost drinking something that was in my garbage, and then he turned to the window and looked at me, but didn't seem to process that I was there. He walked away awkwardly.

I ran outside and looked in the garbage bin he had opened, and it was completely empty aside from two things: a garbage bag, and a fucking jug of wine. I shit you not. It was a little more than half full. This fucking old guy was storing wine in my garbage can and drinking it. I paused for a moment, thinking about what the hell I should do, so I grabbed the jug and brought it inside and just poured the shit down my drain (then I immediately ran to my computer and searched whether or not it was bad for your pipes to pour alcohol down them - apparently wine doesn't have a high enough alcohol percentage to do any significant corroding, but then again, I got that off Yahoo answers so who the fuck knows).

So yeah, the jug was empty. It was at this moment that my dog started barking again, so I looked outside and, sure enough, that old guy was searching through my fucking garbage. I poked my head outside and said something like, "Hey, can I help you? What the hell are you doing?", and the old guy looked up at me kind of nervously and mumbled something about looking for wine. I then said, "I think you're gonna have to leave." He turned around slowly and dragged his feet away. I'm 100% certain that he had no idea what I said, because the dude was beyond shitfaced.

I went back inside and looked outside my window to make sure he didn't come back. He never did, luckily, but he did start looking through my neighbor's garbage. I'm guessing he was so slammed that he thought he put the jug in another garbage bin, and was searching all of them. In hindsight, I think I should have maybe called the cops, and I feel pretty dumb knowing that I didn't. I was going to if he returned to my house, but I only saw him wandering around the block a few times before vanishing from sight.

The guy obviously had a drinking problem (I mean, no shit) and I'm assuming that his issue was so bad that he was resorting to hiding the booze, maybe because his family would give him shit or something? I don't know. Not really any of my concern. But boy, that was real cool.
Total Comments 6


Vlam's Avatar
He might be a member of OWF.
Posted 04-14-2016 at 03:38 AM by Vlam Vlam is offline

Alf Shall Rise's Avatar
Was it you, Vlam? Is this a confession?
Posted 04-14-2016 at 03:49 AM by Alf Shall Rise Alf Shall Rise is offline

Vlam's Avatar
Nice house! Is it yours?
Posted 04-14-2016 at 04:04 AM by Vlam Vlam is offline

STM's Avatar
Wine won't do shit to your pipes, trust me my missus poured a 20 bottle down my drain once. Fuck me that was not a good time to be alive.

Poor guy though, if he's gotta store wine in people's bins...I mean...why?
Posted 04-14-2016 at 07:34 AM by STM STM is offline

Varrok's Avatar
Drinking wine from someone else's garbage can is an old polish tradition, and being told to stop is the biggest insult you can get.

Pouring wine down the drain is also a polish tradition, but you have to drink the wine first. All of it.
Posted 04-14-2016 at 08:53 AM by Varrok Varrok is offline

Nate's Avatar
I didn't know that Peter was visiting New Jersey!
Posted 04-14-2016 at 10:34 AM by Nate Nate is offline


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