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this blog is gay

Posted 01-10-2019 at 07:36 PM by Nepsotic
Updated 02-02-2019 at 04:01 AM by Nepsotic
There's just no closure. I lost completely, I'm an asshole, a real piece of shit, yet I couldn't see it until it was too late. It's so fucked up. I got a message on here 3 years ago and I keep reading it and reading it and it's still just as bad as the first time I got it. Everything it says is right but it won't sink in. I wish i could seperate myself from what i was and make it known that I'm honestly a different person but im not even sure that i am. i don't deserve any more chances but i really really need another chance, a lot has changed in 3 years but the weight of what i did hasn't and I'm scared that it's gonna be like this until i die. i wanna peel my skin off to prove its not me, because it isn't me, i know what i am. i dont know that im not the skin though. if you're reading this, and you know who you are, please tell me what i have to do because i dont have the balls to make decisions for myself anymore and i just need some closure. i mean this is so dragged out and whoever wroteit clearly doesn't know shit about setup and payoff or even pacing for that matter lolololhelp

faggot bitch millenials are a bunch of crybabies, in my day you walked across broken glass barefoot just to get to the shower, and we showered in stagnant pondwater, thats how you build mettle

fucking gay, you're all gay, im gay, let us sucketh from thy hairy teet of glory

E: This blog is gay
Total Comments 10


Varrok's Avatar
Are you ok there, buddy?
Posted 01-11-2019 at 08:15 AM by Varrok Varrok is offline

Wil's Avatar
So, you did a thing. Well that sucks, but we all do things we want to move on from. Some are bigger, some are more secret, but they're all the same in that we're rarely told what to do afterwards. Recovering from our mistakes is steeped in romantic ideals like redemption and closure, but that's not how life works.

You did a thing. You can't undo it. You can't undo the harm it caused. It happened. And probably no one will come up to you and say 'I forgive you' and suddenly you feel great. No matter how kind anyone is to you, you'll know what you did, because you did it.

You'll never be a different person. Sure, you'll change, and you should change, and you have changed and always will. But you'll never be a person who didn't do the thing. You can't change the past. The thing you did has consequences and you'll have to live the rest of your life knowing that. Sorry. It kinda sucks, but it's also kinda obvious.

You can't change the past, but you can change the future. You can change how you act and influence the world and people around you. You can change how you react to events so you never do it again. You won't be perfect at this. You'll make mistakes. And you'll always feel bad. But over time, the good things you do will make you feel good, too. You won't be redeemed, but you'll feel better. Slowly. Eventually.

You say you want another chance. The good news is that you have another chance. Every moment that goes by is a chance to be a better person. You're always making decisions, choices that you're in control of. But nobody's going to do that for you. Sorry, you're autonomous. Some people can help you. They'll sit and listen or guide you as you process everything verbally (or through art therapy or sand play or whatever, it's all good). They'll nudge you in the right direction here and there. But only you can process everything internally.

It's exhausting, and it never really ends. You'll need to think about what you did and why you did it. You'll need to consider your own weaknesses and flaws. You might even need to work out your place in the world, your new place now that what's done is done. It's exhausting and it'll make you feel awful. But that's ok. It's ok to feel awful. It's ok to relive those events in your head. It's the only way to move on, after all. It's the only way to be your best self in the future.

Stop looking for someone to forgive you, accept that there's never a conclusion to the story, go and find a good therapist. Good luck.
Posted 01-12-2019 at 01:06 AM by Wil Wil is offline

Nepsotic's Avatar
you're totally right that i should probably find a therapist, but i dunno, i can't bring myself to do it. I'm the sort of person who whinges a lot but doesn't actually do anything to better their situation. i get worried that I'll lose my friends because of my constant whining but can't seem to stop even though I'm aware of it. basically i just need to grow the fuck up. hopefully it'll happen at some point. thanks for the kind words, wil
Posted 01-12-2019 at 09:43 AM by Nepsotic Nepsotic is offline

Wil's Avatar
Synchronising what you know with what you feel and with what you do is tough. I recommend CBT. You can sit and read gradually in your spare time. Texts will say 'Hay, do these tedious exercises!' but honestly just slowly digesting the viewpoints is enough to start your mind down the right path.
Posted 01-13-2019 at 06:06 AM by Wil Wil is offline

Gunnr's Avatar
You guys have some good advice and I dont have much else add just i think many people do feel this about themselves in the past over one thing or another and yes the need to be forgiven doesn't really go away. Healing comes from the inside. Comming to terms then moving on and trying to grow from it is all I can think to say or do there. Good luck man
Posted 01-13-2019 at 10:01 AM by Gunnr Gunnr is offline
Updated 01-13-2019 at 10:03 AM by Gunnr

Nepsotic's Avatar
I'm high now it's all good
Posted 01-14-2019 at 11:12 AM by Nepsotic Nepsotic is offline

Phoetux's Avatar
Getting high won't help. You can be happy even without getting high, it's possible. Heck, nothing is impossible.
If you think you are a certain kind of person and don't like it then change yourself, it might be hard but possible.
Posted 01-19-2019 at 09:18 AM by Phoetux Phoetux is offline

Tired Glutton's Avatar
if you're talking about the kind of things i think you're talking about i feel like i should at least say that i understand how it feels to hold shitty views and having the realisation that your core morality just isn't compatible with them, finding out the people around you aren't interested in whatever you have to say and just feel like you're being difficult and antagonistic when you're having a fucking existential crisis.

Many other people experience this too and it sucks we live in a world that had this happen but regardless this is a process we're all a part of and i wish you the best.
Posted 01-27-2019 at 09:58 AM by Tired Glutton Tired Glutton is offline

Tired Glutton's Avatar
accidentally double commented my bad
Posted 01-27-2019 at 09:58 AM by Tired Glutton Tired Glutton is offline

RoryF's Avatar
sup man nice cat btw

have a happy new year as well

cheers x
Posted 02-08-2019 at 01:17 PM by RoryF RoryF is offline


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