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2016.25

Posted 03-18-2016 at 02:00 AM by STM
What is up, my dudes?

So, wow, it's the 18th March 2016; exactly one year to the day I started work on the site I'm working on. It's also my last day here, I'm finally leaving what the guys affectionately used to call 'Colditz'.

My year long stint at Colindale has been hallmarked by the amount of growing I've had to do. 2015 was an end of innocence; a sudden, jarring entry into the real work and the end point of a metamorphosis from optimistic student to travelling NEET to nameless white-collar economic end-product.

I can look back in retrospect and pin-point key dates that have helped me evolve in what I am at the moment. I was struck with depression in March when I was thrown head fast into a management position without guidance. May collapsed a nearly two year long relationship and at the same time saw me enter into a new one. Months trickled by and I grew tired and jaded and cynical. I've had a twitch in my eye for eleven months straight due to a regression into a perpetual zombie state from lack of sleep, punctuated only with caffeine induced moments of clarity.

I got fat in the last twelve months, from sitting on my arse all day long I've gone from 160lbs to a peak of 200lbs and the diet I've self imposed is gutting me of the thing I've probably used to medicate my constant state of neurotic apathy; food. Already I've lost 7lbs but there's work to be done and I won't be happy until my visible pot-belly goes and I can fit into the jeans I wore last year.

September time I moved into my own apartment; my little slice of the world that I don't own, nor have any claim to. It's small and mouldy and cluttered and the rent + council tax has whittled away my savings to the point that, three weeks into the month I have 30 to my name. I have no one to rely on for help in this situation and nor would I want to, comparative poverty is a funny thing and all I can say is that I'm struggling but coping well, and that is something I'm proud of. I must be the most overworked, underpaid quasi-manager in London because everyone else in the industry at my level talks about going on three holidays a year and I just put myself on the brink of debt to buy a second hand, 11 year old car so that I can actually get to work.

My missus has a pathological inability to hold down a job and has churned her way through four in the six months we've been living together. She's never had one lined up when she hands her notice in which means we often live on just my wage alone for a month at a time. If she does it again we'll lose the apartment and I'll probably have to go bankrupt because there's really not much else to do. It's not all her fault, she was bullied out of a few of them and whilst I'm only sympathetic about that, she'd rather leave than confront the bully which is a fucking wet blanket cop out if you ask me. There are times I've gone to the toilet to sob; a grown ass fucking man sitting in a cubicle crying because of the people he has to deal with and the stress he faces. Then I pull myself the fuck together, wipe my face and go back out and take more punishment, as everyone else in the world does.

But I love her, she's a nice enough girl. I don't know how to find the switch to turn her off about marriage though. What is it with women and marriage? How do you tell an emotionally crippled/ PTSD suffering abuse victim that you don't want to get married without worrying her into a seizure? Any advice from the non-cunts here would be greatly appreciated.

Despite the me me me state of this blog, I'm taking a more wholesome, international, self-reductionist approach to my interaction with the world recently. I am the traffic, I am the queue, I am the strain on the NHS, &c.. I'm so sick of listening to people putting their problems on scapegoats (which happens a lot in an industry beleaguered with covert racists at the helm).

I think the world is becoming by and large a worse place, and this might just be due to my increasing consciousness of current affairs, but I see how we treat our fellow man, how there is a general perception that cultural/race segregation is an okay thing, and this idea that people should stay in their own countries is now valid and an acceptable idea to champion, is concerning and creates a nihilistic feeling that the cycle will not end and that we're all destined to fucking hate each other until we cease to exist as a species any more, for whatever reason that may be.

What's good though? Well, I mean my birthday is coming up soon, and ignoring the fact that I'll be at my biological peak; another year under the belt gives me another year of experience at this thing we call life.

What else is there to say? I dunno, I can't think of anything. Excited af for Soulstorm.
Total Comments 45

Comments

Old
Xorlidyr's Avatar
MA, stop feeding the black hole. It only gets bigger.

Live with light and let it avert you from getting sucked into argument with those who wish to hurt you.
Posted 03-20-2016 at 11:04 AM by Xorlidyr Xorlidyr is offline

Old
Vlam's Avatar
I think it's a meme thing (maybe you will understand): 'First world problems'.
Posted 03-20-2016 at 11:08 AM by Vlam Vlam is offline

Old
MA's Avatar
no, you French cunt-stain, 'first world problems' are complaining about a computer game not working or not being able to buy the latest mobile phone or not getting the birthday present you wanted. having no money is universally a serious problem, and only those who have never had to worry about money before would say it's a 'first world problem'. you moron.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Vlam
MA, did you understand my point? I think you do.

Be happy and stop complaining for no reason!
lol ok you stupid prick good luck with the cancer you don't have because you're a little liar that just wants to win arguments on the internet like the sad child you are.

seriously, saying you have cancer to validate your argument? you are one sad, lonely fucking creature. shut the fuck up, dick. you know nothing. you like to talk a lot, but you know nothing.

also for the record: you don't have a point. your point is invalid. i just saw you try to use the 'i have cancer you can't complain' excuse and thought i should point out that that is a moot point, as well as being a fucking stupid thing to say. like how you keep telling people your mother is dead whenever someone brings her up because you think somehow that tragedy gives you the moral highground. you're a stupid cunt and you've successfully managed to get on my tits. shut the fuck up.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Xor
MA, stop feeding the black hole. It only gets bigger.

Live with light and let it avert you from getting sucked into argument with those who wish to hurt you.
he isn't a black hole, he's just a fucking idiot. at first i thought he was kinda funny but his stupid, nonsensical posts fucking grate after a while.
Posted 03-20-2016 at 11:49 AM by MA MA is offline
Updated 03-20-2016 at 12:00 PM by MA

Old
Vlam's Avatar
The two groups who complain the most:

1. Those born with a silver spoon in mouth.

2. Women.

No wonder you're so vocal, MA.
Posted 03-20-2016 at 12:04 PM by Vlam Vlam is offline

Old
MA's Avatar
women, huh? it's your opinion that women complain the most? well, that's a sure way to make even less friends than you have now. that hole you're digging is pretty deep.

oh btw i wasn't born with a silver spoon in my mouth and i'm not a woman, so the point you're trying to make doesn't work lol. you're not very good at making points. you're good at lying about having cancer though, so kudos for that you adorable little liar!

i haven't negrepped anyone in years, but man, i've never been more tempted to negrep the living shit out of someone before. one more stupid fucking reply should do it.
Posted 03-20-2016 at 12:54 PM by MA MA is offline

Old
Vlam's Avatar
You're so miserable (like Oliver Twist) but at the same time you found the leisure to post here.

Negrepped me? I'm so happy to give you a goal in life!
Posted 03-20-2016 at 01:00 PM by Vlam Vlam is offline

Old
MA's Avatar
welp. that certainly did it.
Posted 03-20-2016 at 01:03 PM by MA MA is offline

Old
Vlam's Avatar
Be happy!
Posted 03-20-2016 at 01:04 PM by Vlam Vlam is offline

Old
STM's Avatar
Vlam just piss off, you're being needlessly annoying and your posting is pointless. What reason do you have to be here? You contribute nothing of value and you cause fraction between other, more valid members.
Posted 03-20-2016 at 01:52 PM by STM STM is offline

Old
Vlam's Avatar
How can I redeem myself?

Example of good post: "Or maybe it's just Jews love money/ manipulate the banks."
Posted 03-20-2016 at 01:56 PM by Vlam Vlam is offline
Updated 03-20-2016 at 02:22 PM by Vlam

Old
STM's Avatar
Lol
Posted 03-21-2016 at 02:44 AM by STM STM is offline

Old
Xorlidyr's Avatar
MA, Vlam wants you to notice him. You already lose by doing it.
Ignore him.

The only way to win at a trolling game is not to play it at all.
Posted 03-21-2016 at 02:49 AM by Xorlidyr Xorlidyr is offline

Old
Vlam's Avatar
Xorlidyr is my shrink.
Posted 03-21-2016 at 03:11 AM by Vlam Vlam is offline

Old
MeechMunchie's Avatar
As someone dating a PTSD-suffering abuse victim...

... know that feel.

You just have to accept that you're no good to her miserable so it's in everyone's interests for you to value your own needs. I've tried to be selfless workhorse, and trust me, it's an express ticket to mutual resentment.

You know the girl, respect her enough to tell her something resembling the truth.
Posted 03-25-2016 at 04:52 PM by MeechMunchie MeechMunchie is offline

Old
STM's Avatar
That some real talk right there <3
Posted 03-26-2016 at 12:41 AM by STM STM is offline

 




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