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Train Fares and Pregnancy Scares

Posted 08-12-2015 at 03:37 PM by STM
Hey ho!

Been a little while since I've blogged anything here. You ever get to a point where there's so much going on in your life you don't know where to start untangling it all? That's where I'm at right now, but while I've got a minute and some will to pen down my thoughts, I figured I may as well do so. Especially since it's always cathartic throwing down my emotions here.

I've been working in North London for a while now on a housing project my drylining company won a package for. We're doing the walls and ceilings of about 500 apartments. My job is to survey and administrate, basically I'm filling the role of a clerk; making sure people work the nine hours, get paid the right amount, make sure we have materials on site and that we have the right amount of men working in each part of the building complexes.

I've been working for the firm for a year but this specific project all started at the end of March, and what was supposed to be a three month job has now rolled into the fifth month with the prospects of finishing before Christmas looking grim. I've got two weeks off right now and then some more time for jury duty so basically I've got a much needed long arse break. Doing roughly fifty hours a week (when I'm contracted 39 and paid for 39,) takes it out of you and sometimes it feels like there just isn't enough time to do everything you want and need to do.

I started seeing my girlfriend in May after breaking up with my American ex. It's all going rather well for the most part; excluding minor squabbles we're thick as thieves. We're also hurtling along incredibly fast with the goal of moving in together into a little apartment outside London by next month.

This is gonna be really great considering it's 100 for a round trip with train tickets. Going a couple hundred miles to York and back every couple weeks is burning a big hole in my wallet. The things we do for lurve!

One thing my bird and I do not see eye to eye on is social issues like equality and pro-life/ pro-choice. Most people by now ought to know I'm a lefty-liberal loony and I'm as much of a pro-choice feminist as you can get. My Muslim raised Iranian girlfriend on the other hand, is quite the contrary. I probably should have seen the pregnancy scare coming.

Baby I feel sick and my tits are tender, I can't stop eating and I'm cramping all over.

Tick tick tick and tick in the pregnancy boxes.

We did a test that came back inconclusive with a faint 'positive' mark on the little thingie.

Any way a few days later and she did another one that came back firmly negative. I literally jumped out of bed and danced around. The idea of having a kid at twenty fucking terrifies me. There's plenty more emotional stuff I don't want to dig up here because it's inherently private but so this is only half the story but it's really worth saying that I've had a lot of time to reflect on the idea of fatherhood for the last few days.

I think adulthood has hit me like a brick wall all of a sudden. From finishing sixth form at 18 I travelled around the world for six months on my own and came back straight into a full time entry level profession. I've got rent to pay, food to buy, a lady to take care of and a car to run, not to mention commutes to work and responsibilities of a middle-management position on the job. It's hard to remember I'm only just out of my teens...I feel like I should be 25 or something.

Scrolling through my Facebook feeds and seeing mates travelling through Cambodia and Australia, drinking in Bruges, getting plastered at uni and going to reunion parties is kinda rough...I miss all that, I wish I'd cherished it at school and made more of an effort. It's been two years since I finished sixth form now but I'd love to just turn back the clocks for one day and go back to being a relatively care-free, drunk, lazy and frisky teen.

Instead I've got bills, work, chores and pregnancies to worry about. That's okay though, I'm coping with it all, it's what I'm used to, it's just a shame I couldn't put it all off for another couple months.
Total Comments 11

Comments

Old
Nepsotic's Avatar
feminist lel
Posted 08-12-2015 at 09:48 PM by Nepsotic Nepsotic is offline

Old
Varrok's Avatar
You almost got ScrabTrapped, Man!
Posted 08-13-2015 at 01:27 AM by Varrok Varrok is offline

Old
STM's Avatar
*plays wacky 90s theme tune and stares into camera*
Posted 08-13-2015 at 01:36 AM by STM STM is offline

Old
MA's Avatar
holy shit man, that's a lot to process. just try to be careful dude. i wish you both the best of luck.
Posted 08-13-2015 at 10:28 AM by MA MA is offline

Old
OANST's Avatar
Ha, ummm.... doing a dance after a negative pregnancy test can be.....not a good idea. For one thing, those fuckers take a couple weeks of being pregnant to actually show a positive, so lets say she takes another one in a week and it's positive. She now knows exactly how much you don't want her to be pregnant. Also, even if she isn't, and even if she doesn't want to be, she is likely to take your glee as a rejection.

If I had a baby for every pregnancy scare I'd have a lot of babies.

I have a lot of babies.
Posted 08-13-2015 at 10:42 AM by OANST OANST is offline

Old
Slog Bait's Avatar
My parents became parents at 20

I'm 22 and I still don't know how people do it so young
Posted 08-13-2015 at 11:10 AM by Slog Bait Slog Bait is offline

Old
STM's Avatar
She already knows I absolutely dont want one any way, and we can pin point the only time she could have gotten pregnant, she'd be far enough along by now that it would show up on a test.
Posted 08-14-2015 at 06:09 AM by STM STM is offline

Old
OANST's Avatar
Well, that's good and all, but again, that glee, man. Just understand that you probably hurt her feelings with that.
Posted 08-14-2015 at 09:11 AM by OANST OANST is offline

Old
STM's Avatar
I realise I did a little, she straight up told me that the way it translated to her, was that the idea of having a child with her is disgusting.

It's not like that's 100% untrue; I'm 20, she's 19...the idea of knocking up a 19 year old is pretty grim. Plus on top of that I have no paternal instinct and I'd rather be doing other things with my time than rearing a piss-shit-sick monster. I explained to her that we've been together for less than 1/4 of a year, and that to even think of kids is crazy, especially at our age.

She understands this, but yeah, again there's a whole host of stuff I won't go into that probably meant jumping up in happiness when the test came back negative may not have been the most caring reaction. Unfortunately it is the case that I legitimately felt the most sudden rush of relief and happiness that I couldn't contain it.

Shitty, yes, probably. :/
Posted 08-14-2015 at 02:34 PM by STM STM is offline

Old
OANST's Avatar
Oh, I know, man. Feelings aren't logical, though. But you are still in the early stages of figuring out how to be in committed relationships with other human beings. You're going to make mistakes. You don't have to use kid gloves at all times, or anything (who wants to be in a relationship like that) but you do have to filter some things if you don't want to hurt feelings. This is more or less what I was trying to tell Meech before. People have this concept of honesty as a virtue, but tact is also a virtue. And compassion, and empathy. I'm not saying you don't have those things, or don't display them. Just remember that you have to use a slightly elevated version of them with the person you are in a relationship with.
Posted 08-15-2015 at 07:45 AM by OANST OANST is offline

Old
STM's Avatar
Yeah, I do get that, what you're saying is totally right. I let something slip a little there, but we did talk it out recently, aired out any potential bad feelings.
Posted 08-15-2015 at 03:31 PM by STM STM is offline

 

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