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Bastard Cats

Posted 07-12-2009 at 09:54 AM by OddjobAbe
I saw next door's cat defecating in our garden again, so I discarded the boiling water I was going to use for tea over it. That'll teach the little cretin.

A lot of people disagree with me, but I think that cats are horrible. Just looking at them makes my skin crawl. They even look like cretins, and yet people still fucking love them. They're fuckers. I even saw one the other day smoking inside an old folks' home.
Total Comments 27

Comments

Old
Mac Sirloin's Avatar
Posted 07-12-2009 at 09:55 AM by Mac Sirloin Mac Sirloin is offline

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OddjobAbe's Avatar
Quote:
Its easy to understand why the cat has eclipsed the dog as modern America's favorite pet. People like pets to possess the same qualities they do. Cats are irresponsible and recognize no authority, yet are completely dependent on others for their material needs. Cats cannot be made to do anything useful. Cats are mean for the fun of it.
óP. J. O'Rourke

That in particular tickled me.
Posted 07-12-2009 at 10:01 AM by OddjobAbe OddjobAbe is offline

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Jordan's Avatar
That should stop it now. My grandad fed a cat an aspirin once, and he never saw it again.
Posted 07-12-2009 at 10:10 AM by Jordan Jordan is offline

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OddjobAbe's Avatar
I bloody hope so. With some luck, somebody'll run it over when it's away outside.
Posted 07-12-2009 at 10:13 AM by OddjobAbe OddjobAbe is offline

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Wil's Avatar
You poured boiling water over a cat? Thatís so horribly cruel. When did everyone here start turning into genuinely nasty people?
Posted 07-12-2009 at 10:26 AM by Wil Wil is offline

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OddjobAbe's Avatar
I'm not so bad, really. That fucking cat has shit in my garden for the last time. I used to just scare it off with cold water, but I've had my fill of this.
Posted 07-12-2009 at 10:28 AM by OddjobAbe OddjobAbe is offline

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Mac Sirloin's Avatar
Wait, you boiled water in a kettle specifically to fuck this cat up, or you put hot water from a tap into a jug of water and dumped it?
Posted 07-12-2009 at 10:49 AM by Mac Sirloin Mac Sirloin is offline

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OddjobAbe's Avatar
The water was meant for my tea. I would never contemplate boiling water just to scare a cat off.
Posted 07-12-2009 at 10:56 AM by OddjobAbe OddjobAbe is offline

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shaman's Avatar
Vengence is yours.
Posted 07-12-2009 at 11:34 AM by shaman shaman is offline

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Mac Sirloin's Avatar
That's kind of fucked up, actually :/
Posted 07-12-2009 at 03:17 PM by Mac Sirloin Mac Sirloin is offline

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OddjobAbe's Avatar
That thing's been shitting in my garden and screwing it all up since 2005. I've tried all kinds of little things, and it didn't get the message. I believe it is time to bring on the big guns. I wouldn't go as far as to kill it, or to put it in absolutely excrutiating pain, but the thing's alive, it'll be better now, and I have a feeling that my garden can now be kept clean. That bloody cat knew perfectly well what it was doing. Next door's garden is always fine, but my garden, and the garden on the other side of next door's always has this grassy mound where the cat's hidden the excrement.
Posted 07-12-2009 at 03:21 PM by OddjobAbe OddjobAbe is offline

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Strike Witch's Avatar
You're a horrible bastard.
Posted 07-12-2009 at 04:05 PM by Strike Witch Strike Witch is offline

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OddjobAbe's Avatar
Thank you very much.
Posted 07-12-2009 at 04:07 PM by OddjobAbe OddjobAbe is offline

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used:)'s Avatar
Tu eres un dickwado.

I love cats, except when they're in heat. Then they're annoying as hell.
Posted 07-12-2009 at 04:16 PM by used:) used:) is offline

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Havoc's Avatar
Dude, you throw BOILING water of a fucking cat?! Are you mentally unstable?

Throw boiling water over yourself and see how you like it! If you can laugh directly afterwards then so can I.
Posted 07-12-2009 at 04:33 PM by Havoc Havoc is offline

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Nate's Avatar
What worries me even more than him throwing boiling water over a cat is that he so proudly announced it here. That's sick.
Posted 07-12-2009 at 04:54 PM by Nate Nate is offline

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used:)'s Avatar
Wow, OddjobAbe. You sure pushed the wrong fucking button.

I wonder though. Wouldn't the water cool down quite a bit before it hit the cat depending how far away it was?
Posted 07-12-2009 at 07:21 PM by used:) used:) is offline

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Mac Sirloin's Avatar
Not really.

Are we talking huge pot of water boiling or small-one teacup water?
Posted 07-12-2009 at 07:52 PM by Mac Sirloin Mac Sirloin is offline

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Wings of Fire's Avatar
In my experience the average Englishman is very uneconomic about how much water he puts in the kettle for a cuppa.
Posted 07-12-2009 at 09:10 PM by Wings of Fire Wings of Fire is offline

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OddjobAbe's Avatar
Quote:
Are we talking huge pot of water boiling or small-one teacup water?
It was a fairly small amount, about the amount you'd fit in half the size of an average glass. It wasn't as much I would have used if it was cold. However, I do not regret what I did, as the cat has not returned since. It works well fro the both of us - I keep a tidy garden, that cretin doesn't get scolded again.
Posted 07-13-2009 at 06:58 AM by OddjobAbe OddjobAbe is offline

Old
MA's Avatar
its been shitting in his garden for 4 years. he has tried a lot of things to get rid of it, and the cat must have felt uncomfortable going into Oddjob's garden for a kack with all the deterrents, but continued anyway.

you can say 'awww poor kitty cat why did you throw boiling water over it it was only have a shit in your garden for THE MILLIONTH TIME.' also, in my own experience with people and deterring cats i have seen vastly crueler methods, up to the point where people have tried to shoot the animal with air rifles.

he saw it once again, lost his rag, threw a kettle of hot water out the window in a rage, and the cat scarpered. simple as. i'd have done the same bloody thing, and i wouldn't care what people thought. people do snap, i mean he could have caved its head in with a brick, but he didn't. christ.
Posted 07-13-2009 at 09:07 AM by MA MA is offline

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OddjobAbe's Avatar
Thank you for being understanding, MA. It appears that others fail to sympathise with anything that isn't furry.
Posted 07-13-2009 at 09:09 AM by OddjobAbe OddjobAbe is offline

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Wil's Avatar
Quote:
Originally Posted by OddjobAbe
However, I do not regret what I did, as the cat has not returned since.
Probably because you killed it, you cantankerous wretch.
Posted 07-13-2009 at 09:48 AM by Wil Wil is offline

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OANST's Avatar
ITB we learn things.

1. Animal cruelty is fun for you and me.

2. Oddjob's real name is Kenny Glen.
Posted 07-13-2009 at 10:10 AM by OANST OANST is offline

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Mac Sirloin's Avatar
Why does everyone have cool names except me.
Posted 07-13-2009 at 01:29 PM by Mac Sirloin Mac Sirloin is offline

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Wings of Fire's Avatar
I have a horrible name
Posted 07-13-2009 at 02:50 PM by Wings of Fire Wings of Fire is offline

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used:)'s Avatar
My name ain't anything special either.
Posted 07-13-2009 at 04:13 PM by used:) used:) is offline

 

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