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Eating Reality V. 2

Posted 02-17-2013 at 10:33 PM by Daxter King
Well, I was blazed as a neon cat when I made my last blog, which pretty much everyone guessed. I know I meant to actually write something in it, but that cat just took over.

Anyways, I'm not blazed right now, in fact I've stopped smoking, for now at least. I realized I was doing it to just pass the time and to some extent I was using it as a form of escapism from reality, which is never any good. I used to do that with video games, and that was never any good. I've stopped smoking before because I ran out of weed, because I needed to pass a drug test, because I broke my glass. All involuntary quits, I realized I had never actually quit on my own, so now I'm doing it. I still have at least a G of it stashed, but I'm not touching it for now. It has been a little over a week and I've come to the startling reality that I'm not as in control of my mental state as I thought I was. The weed allowed me to self-medicate my depression and anxiety to an extent, but without it I'm realizing it's getting worse rather than better. I've never had anxiety attacks before, but I've had two in the past month, almost over nothing too. My depression is also getting worse. I've never thought about suicide this much or this hard, but it comes into my head every night now. I'll lay awake for hours, even if I feel dog tired before getting into bed. All the things I've done, haven't done, or just put off come into my head and pound that I'm a failure over and over. It scares me, because I think I need professional help to conquer this, and I have no idea who to turn to. My father is one to scoff or get angry at this. My mother is one to worry herself to death over this. My brother is one to ignore this. I would have no way to pay for it. And even now I don't know if this even matters at or if it is all in my head.

Here is a picture of pugs:

Total Comments 6


STM's Avatar
Man that sucks, got no words of wisdom for you, quitting the weed will help in the long term with your problems I imagine. Don't be stupid and off yourself though, if you're at that point, why not just do literally anything else? Go for a walk across states or something...

What I'm trying to say, is be safe, mate.
Posted 02-18-2013 at 12:16 PM by STM STM is offline

OANST's Avatar
Taco Bell parking lots are not the answer, man.

I don't know. Surprises come. Every time I convinced myself that life would never get better, it somehow did.
Posted 02-18-2013 at 12:46 PM by OANST OANST is offline

MeechMunchie's Avatar
All I can say is that you can no more evaluate your own thoughts than you can measure the hill you're standing on. The fact that you are you means that any conclusions you come to regarding your own mental health will be unreliable.

Ergo: Even if you think you're crazy, there's a decent chance that you're not.
Posted 02-18-2013 at 01:13 PM by MeechMunchie MeechMunchie is offline

MA's Avatar
stand tall and keep going, friend. only worthwhile bit of advice i can give, it's helped me a few times.

like that geezer said: if you're going through hell, keep going.
Posted 02-18-2013 at 02:44 PM by MA MA is offline
Updated 02-18-2013 at 03:10 PM by MA

Mr. Bungle's Avatar
Yeah, I've been smoking way too much pot lately too. Think I'm gonna stop after this week (reading week, AKA no classes for 7 days, AKA 7 days of getting weird)
Posted 02-18-2013 at 07:25 PM by Mr. Bungle Mr. Bungle is offline

Sekto Springs's Avatar
Holy shit I love pugs.

Anyway, I'm all too familiar with depression, but I probably couldn't offer any solutions since I've been using apathy as my coping mechanism of choice, and everyone will tell you how wrong that is. I'm in sort of the opposite position in that I've had no means to medicate myself in years and would love some pot to take the edge off.

I will say this; before you seek any kind of professional help, look deep inside yourself and double-check if that's what you truly want/need. I have nothing against doctors, but the road to therapy is long and arduous, and many of them would rather just keep medicating you. Before you commit to that process, you should exhaust other outlets of self improvement first. Who knows? You might just need a small change to feel better.

Try staying off the pot for a good while and changing a few things in your daily life and see how that makes you feel. If the depression persists, then consider professional help. Or switching to cocaine.
Posted 02-19-2013 at 07:35 AM by Sekto Springs Sekto Springs is offline


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