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  #1  
Old 02-28-2017, 07:57 PM
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Default Jokes MK.II

Simple thread idea. Tell a joke. It can be a knock-knock joke, another kind of joke, and even a third, ominous, quantum entangled kind of joke.
---


Why do they call them seagulls?

Because if they flew over a bay,

They'd be bagels.
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  #2  
Old 02-28-2017, 10:18 PM
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Three tomatoes are walkin' down the street.
Papa Tomato, Mama Tomato and Baby Tomato.
Baby Tomato starts lagging behind, and Papa Tomato gets really angry.
Goes back and squishes him and says: "Ketchup."
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  #3  
Old 03-01-2017, 04:49 AM
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Three scientists are stood together at the NASA space exploration summit, an American, a Russian and an Irishman.

The American scientist puffs up his chest proudly and says: "we were the first to land a man on the moon!"

The Russian scientist presses his hands into his hips and declares: "that may be, but we were the first to send a man into space!"

The Irishman smirks and points a finger into the air: "that's nothing, we're going to send a man to the sun!"

The other two scientists look at each other in disbelief. "You can't put a man on the sun, he'll burn up before he even gets close!"

The Irishman dismisses them with a wave of his hand, "aye we're not stupid; we're gonna go at night time!"
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Oh yeah, fair point. Maybe he was just tortured until he lost consciousness.

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  #4  
Old 03-01-2017, 07:15 AM
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No politically incorrect jokes?
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  #5  
Old 03-01-2017, 08:11 AM
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No funny jokes?
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  #6  
Old 03-01-2017, 08:52 AM
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Vlam is a feminazi.
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Old 03-01-2017, 10:40 AM
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A man goes to a Halloween party carrying a woman on his back.
The host asks: "And what are you supposed to be?"
The man says: “I’m a snail."
The host says: "And who's that on your back?"
And the man says: "That's Michelle!"

Babum tssh
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Old 03-04-2017, 03:23 AM
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You guys can't into funny comedy.



^ These guys can into funny comedy
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  #9  
Old 03-04-2017, 03:25 AM
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You're right that broken link is well funny

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  #10  
Old 03-04-2017, 03:27 AM
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A broken link?
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  #11  
Old 03-04-2017, 09:43 AM
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I’ve got a helpful solution for you.

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Old 03-16-2017, 06:53 AM
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My love life.
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Old 03-16-2017, 07:16 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by oblivionkeeper23 View Post
My love life.
Welcome to the club
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Old 03-16-2017, 07:58 PM
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Old 03-16-2017, 08:07 PM
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It’s a pity they didn’t cast Ryan Reynolds as Jay Gatsby, since he’s both the green lantern and deadpool.

Take your eevee out for nice meal for it to evolve into a luncheon

Cartoon Network doesn’t always have the most quality shows, but there are some hidden gems.

a sheep, a drum and a snake fall down the cliff
bahhh dum hisss
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Old 03-16-2017, 10:55 PM
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An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are all standing watching an American street performer do some juggling. The juggler notices the four gentleman have a very poor view, so he stands up on a wooden crate and calls out, "Can you all see me now?"

"Yes"
"Oui"
"Sí"
"Ja"
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Old 05-15-2017, 11:20 PM
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It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally
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Old 05-19-2017, 10:39 AM
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Well this one time just last week I was in Town of Salem with my gf and I named myself Fozzy Bear because we already had a Kermit and Miss Piggy. I was a medium, and was pretty sure I was gonna die so I decided to fuck around and just ask for it every single day.
I spent the entire game looking up shitty puns to preach every single day like:

SO THE OTHER DAY I GOT LAID OFF FROM THE CALENDAR DEPARTMENT. I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! ALL I DID WAS TAKE A DAY OFF! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA WACKA WACKA!!!

WACKA WACKA SO THE OTHER DAY THIS GUY AT WORK WAS TELLIN ME THE REASON I CAN'T CATCH A BREAK WITH THE LADIES IS BECAUSE I'M FAT AND UGLY. BUT EVERY TIME I GET NAKED IN THE BATHROOM, THE SHOWER GETS TURNED ON! SO I GUESS HE WAS WRONG! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

SO ANYWAY, I HEARD THAT BRITNEY SPEARS DROPPED SOME WOMAN'S BABY ON THE WAY TO THE RED CARPET! I BET SHE WAS ALL LIKE "OOPS, I DID IT AGAIN!" AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH WACKA WACKA!!!!

SO THE NEXT DAY WE WENT ON A SAFARI TRIP. AN OLD FRIEND OF MINE GOT OUT OF THE JEEP WHEN WE PULLED UP TO SOME WARTHOGS TO MAKE FUN OF EM. WE KEPT TELLIN HIM TO GET BACK IN, HE'S JUST GONNA GET BORED TO DEATH! AAAAAAAAAAAAHhhhhhh he never came back..... WACKA WACKA....?

MAN YOU KNOW IT'S SO HARD TO EXPLAIN THESE PUNS TO YOU BUNCH OF KLEPTOMANIACS! YOU GUYS TAKE THINGS LITERALLY! AAAAAAAAAAAAH WACKA WACKA!!!!

WHAT DID THE HURRICANE SAY TO THE PALM TREE? BETTER HOLD ONTO YOUR NUTS, BECAUSE THIS IS NO ORDINARY BLOWJOB! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH WACKA WACKA WACKA WACKA WACKA WACKA!!!

I continued this for several minutes in the dead chat until the game was over.
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Old 05-19-2017, 05:08 PM
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Two deer leave a gay bar. One turns to the other and says “I can’t believe I blew thirty bucks in there”.
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Old 05-19-2017, 06:12 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Manco View Post
Two deer leave a gay bar. One turns to the other and says “I can’t believe I blew thirty bucks in there”.
Bambi's mom is gonna be pissed man :n
Oh yeah that's right she's FUCKIN dead. :u
...
Laugh. :n
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