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  #1  
Old 08-01-2008, 06:14 AM
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Arrow New Fanfic

Hey everyone. Here is my first attempt to write an oddworld fan-fic, so please be gentle!
Structured critiscism welcome.


Chapter 1


Mulch had been loading brew venders for so long now, he felt like his hands were on the verge of either bleeding or snapping off. The green brew machine towered over him, nearly as much as the boxes piled high around him, filled with new packets of shimmering brew.
He sighed as a train whipped along the tracks above him, screeching along the rusted rails. The squeals and whines of the Feeco. depot would have made many flinch, but with four years of experience packed under his belt, the high pitched sounds of the railway tracks were just old news to mulch. He finished the penultimate row, then stacked up the empty boxes around him, before loading them into the back of a small transport cart.
Mulch was a factory born mudokon, and had been working as a vending loader since he had come of working age. The winding terminals and tunnels of the depot were now printed into his memory, as were most of the train times around middle mudos. Mulch had always worked hard, even though slavery was a misery for anyone, he was not too badly affected by it. He worked along terminal seven usually, so not many passers by or slig guards to come and beat him to a pulp (one of the reasons he did not envy his friend mikey, who even though worked on terminal one, where most interesting things happen, a broken arm and a fractured finger was not Mulchs' idea of working).
He finished the final box quicker than he was expecting, and with a long, heavy sigh of relief, he slammed the vender door, and twisted the snap lock on the side. The machine lit up, the display telling him that the machine was completley full, giving mulch a clear mind, knowing that no slig would beat him up for not filling the machine.
One would probably beat him up anyway, so he was more mindfull as to stay clear.
A second mudokon approached Mulch, slowly pushing a cart, loaded with brew bottles, and, to mulchs' great dissapointment, ANOTHER brew vender.
"Mulch, this needs moving to terminal six, aslik wants it taking to the barracks this evening."
Said the mudokon. Mulch frowned.
"Here mikey, i'll take it from here." He said calmly. Mikey gave a small twitch from the corner of his mouth which was effectivley a slave's smile. Mulch took the vender from him and pushed it slowly down the platform towards the door leading to terminal six. The wheels groaned under the weight of the vender and all of the brew loaded into the boxes packed into the cart. Mulch pushed it with all his might, moving the cart slowly down the tunnel lane towards terminal six.

The door of the vender swung open for mulch, and not for the first time in his four years, he began to pack up the vender, pushing the bottles further and further in untill no more would fit onto a certain line, then moving onto the next. Another train sailed across, headed, or returning from the brewery, due to the large sprayed emblem on the train head. Mulch looked at the vender, which was still pretty much empty. He held up a bottle to the light, and saw bubbles rising slowly to the top, making a little whisp of froth at the neck.
He stared into the green bottle for a few more seconds, invisioning its flavour. He shook his head quickly and returned to work, as a slig walked past, stopping only to clout Mulch on the back of the head. He fell to the floor, dizzy and weary. The slig laughed to itself, in its horrible mechanical cackle.
What happened next was most definatley the most important part of Mulch's life so far. He was suddenly consumed by anger, hatred and rage. Forgetting everything in the world for a split second, he turned and lashed the bottle at the slig, the meat of the glass catching him just on the side of the head. The glass smashed in half, but the initial blow had knocked the slig off balance, making him drop his gun. Mulch, snatched up the gun and smashed the slig repeatedly over the head with it, smacking and whipping the butt of the weapon across its face. It shouted only once, a loud curse which rung through Mulch's ears. He continued to strike the guard over and over, untill the slig was silent.
Mulch looked down at the slig, blood slowly spreading from a deep crack in its head. Glass was scattered across the floor, and the brew was seeping down the hallway. Mulchs' heart was beating like a native drum, and he was panting heavily.
The slig still didnt move.
Realisation of what he done hit him like a train, as Mulch slowly came to his senses, taking in his surroundings.
The slig made a low moaning sound, and began to pull itself sluggishly across the floor.
"I have to get out." Mulch said aloud suddenly. "I have to escape."
"Help!" Screamed the slig suddenly. "Help!" The noise was surprisingly loud, and Mulch knew that any minute now, security would be on their way. The slig went for a small red button rasied upon a metal platform, before bringing his hand heavily down onto it. A small bulb next to the button glowed red, and Mulch realised that it was too late, the slig had set off the alarm. Mulch looked around quickly, before dropping the gun and starting to run towards the main terminal.
"I have to escape!" He muttered to himself, "I have to escape..."

Last edited by alf's brother's mate; 08-01-2008 at 10:06 AM..
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  #2  
Old 08-01-2008, 11:20 AM
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Shouldn't you give it a title? I read a bit of this and I'll check back soon. Nice work from what I did read.
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Old 08-01-2008, 02:28 PM
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Intersting... I'll check back on this I think.
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Old 08-06-2008, 07:12 AM
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Sorry for the extensive wait people, but at last here it is, Chapter 2!

Chapter 2

Mulchs feet pattered lightly on the floor as he made a quick silent dash for an old fractured peice of metal jutting out from the wall. He pressed his back upon it and breathed in as a slig charged past, headed towards terminal seven. The silent alarm had turned into a full scale alert alarm, with several sirens moaning and large bulbs at every corner, blazing red and yellow streaks of light across the wide corridors of the depot. Mulch leant out from the metal and checked down the corridor. Clear. He set off down the walkway, quickly and quietly, when from around the corner at the end of the terminal, a slig slid out clutching a gun. Mulch froze, and could only dive to the side as the slig let out a low hideous cackle, then pulled back the trigger of his gun. Bullets splintered the floor beneath Mulch, stone and dirt flicking up around his face. A bullet brushed his abdomen as he landed heavly on his side, covered only by the brew vender he had been loading this morning. The slig carried on firing, puncturing dark wide holes in the machine, and making Mulch curl tightly up into a ball. It cackled again, then began to make his way towards Mulch. The slig marched forwards, getting closer and closer, his feet scrunching on the the churned up floor. The mechanised ball and socket joint was the only thing Mulch could hear, probably the LAST sound he would hear. He suddenly heard it go silent, and he looked up to the see the slig towering over him, gun in hand. He braced himself in wait for the bullets and pain, but instead, there was a hollow click, followed by another, then another. The slig looked down at his gun, baffled.
"What?" It said. Mulch couldn't quite believe it - the slig had run out of ammo. Taking this opportunity like a ball of solid gold, he hurled himself at the slig, knocking it to the floor. He rose to his feet quickly, then set off down the walkway. "Freeze!" The slig squawked, cramming a magazine into his gun. Mulch slid round the corner quickly, just as a spray of bullets ripped apart a wooden signpost to his left. In all the happenings of the past few moments, he had not noticed the small wound on his stomach, and as he approached the master door leading to terminal 1, he suddenly doubled over in pain, clutching his wounded belly. He ambled through the door, then along a flight of staris, before coming to another door, which he opened, only to find himself face to face with another slig. It raised its gun at Mulch, and was about to put an end to the escapee workers life, when it stumbled forwards and fell head first down the stairs. Behind him stood Mikey, with a rather proud look on his face. Mulch pasued for a moment, and looked Mikey in the eye.
"What are you doing?" Spluttered Mikey, "the whole place is looking for you!"
"Do you not think i already know that?" said Mulch pushing his way past Mikey. The other Mudokon stood back.
"Mulch wait, im coming too." He shouted. Mulch skidded to a halt, before looking back at Mikey who was still stood in the doorway.
"Well come on then!" He replied, before setting off down the corridor. Mikey dropped his cloth, then sprinted away down the corridor in hot pursuit of his friend.

The main terminal doors were up ahead, now only a few dozen meters away from Mikey and Mulch, in seeing this, the two Mudokons put on a sprint, slamming into the doors, nearly sending them flying off their hinges.
They were now in a large room, with a chandelier swaying precariously above them, several sofas and a large electronic board with all train times for the day. The first one which caught Mulch's eye was a train leaving in 5 minutes, cargo only to the dumping grounds, in the far East. They would have to rush though, seeing as it had already finished loading, the train would be setting off any minute now! Mulch set off down tunnel Five towards the correct platform. Mikey saw this and swiveled round, before setting off after Mulch, who was now already on the platform, with the train just up ahead. The loading bridge had been removed, so there was now two platforms, with a large chasm between them, the second was a small step onto the train. Mulch leapt forward, making the jump easily, before scampering into the front bay, the only place where passengers could go on a cargo only journey. He looked back, expecting to see Mikey right behind him, but instead there was about sixty feet between them. Mikey was running flat out, and as he made the jump, Mulch saw why - there were half a dozen sligs chasing him, all guns in hand. Mikey went to make the jump but hesitated slightly, and due to this he didn't quite make it, his only lifeline being a slender metal bar where the loading bridge usually connects to. Snatched onto it with both hands, before looking up at Mulch.
"Help!" Squeaked Mikey, "im slipping!" Mulch stopped. The sligs were getting too close, or where they? Mikey was getting desperate, and had begun squirming, to try and clamber onto the platform. Mulch was about to lean out, when he thought to himself, what if they shoot? But Mikey was his best friend... But was it worth risking his life?
No, he decided. He leant back into the carraige, and slowly closed the door.
"Mulch! No! Help Me! Hel-"
There was a sudden crackle of gunfire, followed by a slience so quiet, that it made a shiver run down Mulchs spine. Mikey was dead. The train slowly began to rumble away, shrugging off the sligs best attempts to kill Mulch. He sank back into a small chair, thinking about what he had just done. he could have reached Mikey easily, but he had been so bothered about saving his own skin, that he had forgotton that only a minute or two ago, Mikey had saved his. He felt a wave of shame float across his face, and at that moment, he wished that he was dead instead.
Mikey was dead, and it was his fault.

Last edited by alf's brother's mate; 08-08-2008 at 01:22 AM..
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Old 08-06-2008, 12:20 PM
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poor Mikey, and poor Mulch he can't change what he had done.
your story is good , if you continue writing it I'll continue reading it.
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Old 08-08-2008, 02:27 AM
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Chapter 3

Mulch awoke with a start, as the train rattled along particularly coarse area of track, the sharp shaking motion awakening him. He squinted as his eyes adjusted to the light, which there was little of. He fumbled around, searching for some purchase on the door handle. He eventually found it, before twisting it to the left. The door swung open and clanged heavily on the steel walls of the train. Air rushed in through the doorway, flooding the room, almost knocking Mulch over. He stumbled backwards, clinging on to the doorframe for support, as he felt himself falling away into the cabin. He pulled himself to his feet, before looking out into the surrounding landscape.
He found himself completley surrounded by miles and miles of dust coated wasteland, barren hills and sloping drops far below. The only thing which even had a scent of civilization was an upcoming tunnel, with a large sign bridged across the entrance. From a distance Mulch couldn't read it, but as the train slowly drew closer, he began to pick the letters out slowly.
"S-en-s-or-y T-un-nel" Mulch said aloud. "Sensory tunnel." He repeated the words again. He looked up at the tunnel which was now getting very close, and from here he could pick out slig guards patrolling the perimeter, weapons in hands. Mulch's heart skipped a beat as he realised what it was.
A sensor would pass over the train, picking up any heat or movement. After that procedure was completed, a full scale check would be peformed by slig guards and sniffer slogs. Even from here Mulch could hear the loud barking of the vile creatures. Mulch began to panic as the tunnel approached. The slig guards had already begun to head towards the train for their inspection. Only two guards remained, one on the east side, and one on the west. The latter was now only half a dozen metres away from Mulch, and as the train docked in the searching bay, Mulch could examine the slig as if he was standing peforming surgery on him. From the shadows, Mulch examined the platform. The slig looked away every four seconds. There was a ladder leading to the floor thirty or so feet below just next to where the slig was standing. When the slig looked away, Mulch decided that he could make a jump for the ladder, then climb down, and then...
And then what? Mulch didn't even know where he was going after the train reached the dumping grounds. But there was no time for stopping and thinking now, the scanner would boot up in any minute.
He had to jump.
He waited for the slig to turn away.
One second.
Two seconds.
Three seconds.
Four seconds.
The slig turned sharply, and as he did so, Mulch leapt out from the train. He would have made the jump easily if the train hadn't dropped in order to be at the correct level for the scanner. Mulch found himself falling through the air, the wind rushing past him. He hit the ground hard with a resounding thud.
The world went dark.


Mulch's eyes blinked open, and with a shock, he found that he was no longer in the wilds of mudos, but in a large, plain white room. He looked down at himself. "I'm not dead." He muttered reasuringly. He continued to examine himself for another five or six seconds, before looking up. He jumped back, startled, as infront of him was a mudokon, tall, wearing a long, rounded mask. Mulch blinked. "Where am i?" He whispered.
"You are in Elysium" Said the mud slowly in a deep booming voice. Mulch gasped.
"What?"
"You are in Elysium" Repeated the Mudokon. He looked around slowly. "This is an alternate future for you Mulch." He stepped away, and turned back to Mulch. "Come on then." He said. The mud approached the wall, and opened the entire thing with a swift hand movement, as if it was one giant door. Mulch followed him cautiously.
Behind the door was a humongous Mudokon village, people milling around like ants. "Here, is the place where the good hearted belong." Said the Mudokon. "The place of those who do good without question or thought, simply for the benfit of another." Mulch rubbed his eyes, having some difficulty putting all of this together. "Heaven, in other words." Said the mud. "Although, for perfect harmony, deeds which may risk your living must be done without question. For if these are not done, then there shall be little harmony for you in the afterlife." Mulch glanced around, realising that somehow this being knew of what had happened with Mikey.
"There were too many." Mulch muttered to himself.
"You see Mulch, that is why you will not have harmony!" He roared. He grabbed the corner of the wall, and tore it away like a peice of paper. Behind the image of harmony was a smoke belching factory, with sligs beating working muds who were chained to walls to a pulp. Nails were pulled from mudokon fingers as a sport, and everywhere you looked there was the rotting flesh of some form of animal. "Pessemism and selfishness!" screamed the mud. "Self thought and no consideration for others! Where will it get you?! Nowhere!" He bellowed over the roar of the machines. Mulch looked down at the floor. "Mikey is dead, and you could have saved him, but you too bothered about saving yourself!" The mud grabbed the corner of the image and scrunched it up into a ball, before throwing it at Mulch. "These bonds of guilt must be lifted Mulch otherwise you know precisley where you will end up! In Hell!"

Last edited by alf's brother's mate; 08-08-2008 at 02:36 AM..
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Old 08-09-2008, 05:55 AM
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Oooh, creepy vision thing. Poor Mikey, I wasn't expecting that to happen. More please!
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Old 08-09-2008, 10:20 AM
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interresting I wonder what happens next...
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