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  #1  
Old 04-10-2009, 12:00 PM
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Default It's Murder Market 2

Yes... It turns out the paper with the plot on it was under my nose the whole time. And now I'm going to try again thanks to AlexFili.

Murder Market II

Chapter One
Finding Abe


Finklar's Airship drifted away slowly as Germ watched from his bedside window. But unlike most, no black smoke was billowing trailing behind or any slaves pulling levers and pulleys. It was an odd sight after seeing so many normal ones. He shifted his head to lie on his back but this caused a quick burst of pain. Wincing, he grabbed a painkiller and stopped it in his mouth. As he closed his eyes he fell into slumber with light snores.

Finklar was standing in front of the ship, with wind blasting into his face. Straining to keep his eyes open, he looked across the landscape. No factories were to be seen except a recently shut-down one that had yet to be removed. Sailing towards it with almost full speed, in hopes that Abe would be nearby. It would take about 1 hour to get there. As they neared Finklar spotted a dot on the horizon. A blue dot. "That way!" Shouted Finklar over the billowing wind. The airship captain had gotten the message as it sailed towards Abe. Abe became increasingly larger as the airship began losing altitude. Once it landed Finklar strode off the ship toward Abe, who in turn walked toward Finklar.
"What are you here for?" Asked Abe slightly bemused.
"The Raisen is still missing." Answered Finklar.
"I was already looking for him. But I don't have any leads." Said Abe glumly.
"Well I'm here to help." Said Finklar in a sort of It-Will-Be-All-Right voice, despite thaat Finklar had no ideas either.
"Maybe it'll be easier in Vykker's Labs. There's a bigger veiw there." Said Finklar thoughtfully. Then it struck him the the green creatures seemed to know just about everything. Perhaps they knew.
"What about those green things we met! They might know!" Said Abe's face which had now lit up with excitment. Apparently, Finklar wasn't the only one who had thought of this.
"Yeah. But we need Germ with us. We'll go back and get him." Said Finklar.
"Ok." Said Abe as he boarded the airship. As it slowly rose, they made their way back.

And I'll finish it this time.
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Old 04-12-2009, 12:50 AM
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I like it so far, especially the Slig characters.

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Old 04-12-2009, 08:28 AM
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I'm just copying the first two chapters from my previous attempt of a Murder Market.

Chapter 2

Germ's Rouse


The airship made it's way to the enourmos ship that was Vykkker's Labs. The interns at the docking bay were mumbling to each other as it aproached. After landing Finklar and Abe set off through Vykker's Labs, with Abe going slightly slower as he had no idea of the way. At long last, after climbing about 4 levels, and walking through several rooms, the pair got to the infirmary where Germ was snoozing along with the almost unnecsessary guards. Deciding it best to let Germ rest, Finklar sat down on a nearby stool. Abe followed suit. Germ woke up after about 10 minutes. When he saw Finklar and Abe he sat bolt upright, wincing. This hadn't gone too well with his wound. Finklar then examined Germ.
"If you feel ready, you can get up and about now I think." Said Finklar. Germ then slipped into a pair of pants and moved forward cautiously. Nothing. Going into a casual walk. Still nothing. Satisfied, Germ asked "So what are we going to do now?"

A distance away from the forest, Finklar, Germ and Abe strode off the airship, heading into the forest. After a short walk, they had reached to brim. Abe looked through the trees, and shook his head after a short search.
"Doesn't really loook like anything's in there at the moment."
"They'll find us... I hope." Muttered Finklar, as they marched straight through the underbush.

An hour or so of searching gave nothing. Another half hour was also fruitless.
"How did we find them last time?" Asked Abe.
"They found us." Replied Finklar, "I wish they'd do it again."
"I think they have..." Said Germ.

Finklar wheeled around and found about 50 of the green creatures.
"You've been looking for us." Said the leader blandly.
"Yes... And we'd like to ask where the Raisen may be?"
"We can only reveal so much. The vaguest idea is all you will be provided with. The western Mudos. Look to the city."
"Why is he there?" Asked Abe looking clueless as to why the Raisen would be in such a place. But just as he asked it the creatures seemed to dissapear.
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Old 04-14-2009, 05:53 AM
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i've just found it.
good one Oddey, i liked the first one so i can only assume i'll enjoy this one as well.
is this the original plot from the first Murder Market, then?
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Old 04-14-2009, 06:33 AM
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I think it's a sequel. The first one was about a murdered Glukkon.

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Old 04-15-2009, 02:54 AM
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Mullock's assitant! So nice of you to drop by. Yeah it'll have the same plot as my previous attempt of a sequal. Now on to some newer material.

Chapter 3

The Journey Begins


"Well, we'd better be getting over there. I think we'll take the journey on foot, so as not to arouse the suspiscion it would with an airship." Said Finklar reluctantly. A walk through the deserts and wastelands didn't look inviting, but landing with an airship would definately show that they were there for a serious reason.
"Yeah, your right." Said Germ in an optimistic voice.
'It's gonna take a long time to get there.' Thought Finklar. Sighing, he started the long walk westward.
"Coming Abe?"
"Guess so," Said Abe with a hint of resignition, "The Raisen needs to get back here anyways."
"Right. Let's go." Said Germ with a kind of "That's settled" tone. and so the long walk began. Only two hours later was Finklar regretting not taking the airship at least half the way. With no means of communication with him, he couldn't even call the ariship to pick them up from here. And even if he could, they wouldn't be able to find them.
Three hours later the sun was nearly down. What was normally a scorching desert, was becoming a freezing one.
"We'll stop here, set up a quick camp and continue in the morning." Said Finklar.
In the middle of the night, Finklar woke up suddenly. He had just been struck by the thought that maybe the Raisen was being held captive. But who would have done that? Who could have done that? That guy was too heavy to lift even a centimeter. You'd need so many guys to evn lift him up. And then bring him all the way out here? You'd need some of kind of swap system. Even then the cost for all the water would be enourmous. Unless of course you had a route that went past at least seven bodies of water, but that still didn't explain how the Raisen was moved. What if they had designed a sort of robot to carry it. That'd solve both problems. But even then, the price! It'd be almost as big! Finklar's eyelids began to droop. What if they somehow had made them out of spare parts? That'd make it a good deal cheaper. Finklar's consciousness began to leave. But that wouldn't be able to hold up something that big. Finklar fell asleep again.
Next morning, the same ordeal came and went.
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Old 04-15-2009, 07:25 AM
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I like Finklar's trail of thought. I expect cookies the next time i drop in!
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Old 04-19-2009, 11:17 PM
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Chapter 4

Delayed


They had been walking for about six days. Luckily, a small pool of fresh and clean water had turned up along the way and they had managed to refuel their supplies. Now Finklar wished they would have the same good fortune. Up ahead there were several outlaws.
'Probrably blocking the way to town for travellers.' Though Finklar. Too bad they were at least eight while Finklar, Abe and Germ were just three. Sure Abe could posses and Germ had a gun, but the outlaws definately had the advantage.
'Maybe if Abe possesed one, and Germ started shooting at the others, while I had them distracted... Nah, that won't work. What if Abe sort of attemted to posses one to shoot them and then maybe Germ could ike come from behind... Hmm... Might work...' Finklar thought.
"Right I've got it. Abe you posses the one in the back. Germ you take them down while Abe uses that guy as a distraction." Said Finklar.
"Good idea. Here," Said Germ as he handed him a pistol, "I carry a spare and this is definately time for it." Finklar nodded as he accepted the gun for now.
"On three, Abe you can start now. One..." Abe was chanting. "Two..." Abe's soul was going. "Three!" The outlaw was under Abe's control now. "FIRE!" Yelled Finklar. Three gunshots echoed around them as the sounds of battle ensued. Finklar and Germ had managed to find a bit of cover to pop out behind of. The outlaws on the other hand had no cover and relied on sheer numbers rather than tactics. As the last gunshot was fired, it was easy to see who had won. The road to town was still long ahead though. Not to mention there was definately some more hinderance on the way. Or they could take a shotcut past Sekto's newly destroyed dam. Either way, they'd have to cross the Mongo river if they wanted to get to New New Yolk City, as New Yolk City had been flooded.
"Well... Which way? North to get over the dam, or here and just get past a bunch of these guys?" Asked Abe.
"Yes I've been thinking about that. North will take longer but won't be quite as dangerous, whereas this way won't be as safe, but it'll be faster. If you don't count encounters with outlaws and stuff." Said Fiklar, "I think we ought to take this way..."
"Well, I'm right behind you." Said Germ.
"Same here." Said Abe.
"That's that then. We'll continue this way tommorow."

They're won't be nearly as many chapters as there was in the original Murder Market. No cookies either.
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Old 04-20-2009, 02:18 AM
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That was quite a shock, i wasn't expecting outlaws. But i spose i should have really.
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Old 04-22-2009, 09:57 AM
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So ya had it the whole time Oddey? =P

I wasn't expecting outlaws either!
Really good so far!
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Old 04-22-2009, 10:29 AM
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I quite like mixing Outlaws with the classic oddworld races, should make for some very interesting dialogue

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Old 04-23-2009, 11:24 AM
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Chapter 5

The Road Ahead


The way to the city was lush and green as opposed to the dry and desolate desert behind them. 'It's the river. It'll only get worse as we go, till we get over it' Though Finklar as he stumbled over yet another bit of greenery. 'If The Raisen was taken this way, the guys must have had some very good footing.' Germ had it worst though. He had to focus on where he was placing his foot every time, seeing as even a bit of grass, could snag into the gears that made up his pants. Not so much for Abe. He strode over it all, like he was walking on flat and firm ground. 'But he's used to this isn't he? And he doesn't have three legs or mechanical ones.' Though Finklar. Putting that aside, he continued through the brush expecting a band of outlaws to pop out at any minute. But they didn't. It was pure silence.
Nightfall came. The last trace of the sun had left. The camp was up and Finklar wasn't asleep, but still thinking. How could they even have known where The Raisen was? Did Munch tell them or something? How'd they get in? Didn't the guards see them? 'But they weren't there either.' Though Finklar. It was all a puzzle with peices that were invisable. Nothing made sense about it. The Raisen was too heavy to carry, the terrain wasn't stable, the Raisen's cave was hard to find and... The list went on. Realizing it was futile, Finklar decided he'd ask if they caught the captors. 'They'll be more than three though. How will we take them down? We've had imbalanced odds before but this'll be different. Well it's too late now anyway.' Recruiting someone in the city wouldn't be possible, Clakkerz weren't up for fighting, there wasn't a sheriff or anything, and outlaws would just leave them to rot. 'We've been lucky before, maybe we'll be lucky again.' That was when Finklar's eyes closed.
Next morning it was evne harder getting through the underbrush. Even Abe was having trouble. Germ was almost not moving. Finklar was falling over almost every minute and only kept going because of strong will. It was going to be a long walk. And not to mention a troublesome one. The outlaws were still nowhere to be seen. Outlaws never strayed far from one another. 'Where are they?' thought Finklar as he heaved himself up and cleaned his glasses. 'They must be here somewhere. What are they waiting for?' Deciding not to dwell on it at the moment, he procceded through the green. Wherever they were, they wouldn't know until they showed themselves. And until then, he'd be happy not be hindered by anything else. The undergrowth was already enough.
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Old 04-23-2009, 11:33 AM
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Cheers, I like it so far

Edit: Not even stale cookies?


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Old 04-24-2009, 05:24 AM
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Yeah it was meant to be Chapter 5. Fixed it now.
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Old 04-25-2009, 12:22 AM
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The possible sighting of outlaws are putting me on edge.
Suspense!
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Old 05-04-2009, 06:11 AM
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After quite a delay, the next chapter is here.

Chapter 6

What's the Toll?


Finklar was getting uneasy for two reasons. The first was it was near impossible to even move through the foilage. The second was that there were still no outlaws. 'Crossing the river would be easier than this! Unless there's a bridge, we'll have to swim over! Wait... Germ has electric pants... Oh dear...' Thought Finklar. It was getting slightly colder too.

Nightfall came once again. Finklar wasn't awake around the fire this time. Abe was. 'Why isn't anybody else but some birds here? Where're the scrabs, the paramites, even a few elums? Something is wrong... The birds are getting to be fewer too.' Maybe the outlaws were staked out close by and shot everything that came in sight. That would explain why it seemed devoident of life. Besides the plants, obvoiusly. Abe dwelled on this a little more before falling asleep again.

The next morning it was getting even colder and the brambles seemed to be shrinking. After a few hours of walking it was clear why. They hadn't gone in a straight line to the river. They had gone too north. Now they had gotten to Sekto's destroyed damn anyway. A few grubbs were sitting around. Unseen, the trio crept past to the newly created bridge. A couple more of the things were on guard.
"Hey! You can't like, just sneak by and come in! You have to, like pay a fine!" Said one spotting them.
"Yeah, pay, like the, toll dude!" Said another.
"Very well," Said Finklar with a sigh, " How much is it?"
"It's like twenty moolah for you!" Said the same grubb as before.
"No it was way fifty!" Said the other.
"Hey dudes, I think it was, like thirty-three." Said a third grubb.
"No way man, it was so twenty!" Said the second.
"Look if you let us by I'll give you 103 moolah." Said Finklar impatiently.
"Wow dude! That's like how much it was I think!" Said the second Grubb.
"You just said it was like fifty man!" Said the first.
"I changed my mind dude. Is that like bad? Is that-"
"Enough! Just let us through!" Said Finklar.
"Alright, alright! Hold your scrabs dude!" Said the first, totally forgetting the toll. Breathing a sigh of releif, Finklar, Germ and Abe walked over the bridge to the other side.
"Do they always do that kind of thing?" Asked Germ.
"I think so." Said Finklar.
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Old 05-04-2009, 08:11 AM
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i was laughing out loud when i read the grubbs conversation.
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  #18  
Old 05-04-2009, 08:19 AM
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Grubbs are amusing, no matter the context.

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Old 05-10-2009, 11:54 AM
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I'm still happy I included that.

Chapter 7

The Grubb Village


On the other side of the bridge, a couple of the larger Grubb houses could be seen. As they got closer, they saw it was a village. Finklar wondered if they'd have to pay another toll.
'If we do, I'm just going to ignore it.' He thought. They were nearly over the bridge. It looked stable. More stable than the rickety rope ones you usually used.
'Why do they even make those? Everyone knows it'll break. At least these fellows have some sense in them.' Thought Finklar. Grubbs were about the stupidest thing he's ever met next to a certain slig who had walked into a meat grinder, because it was on his patrol route. He had been an idiot. He had survived, but Finklar, fed up with him, ordered his brain to be operated on. For the slig's sake as well as their own.

A while ahead, a Grubb covered in blankets was rambling on about how the sky turned brown when slog where around, how grass was green because if it was blue it'd be water, how sligs made the worst hairnets and even how he had three eyes, when he quite clearly had two. He wasn't the only one either. At least three other Grubbs were sitting under some sheets chattering away about pure nonsense. Once they noticed they had visitors, they instantly started yelling things like "That blue guy, has got tatoos so he can squash you!" "Mr. Pink, you should like, get new glasses! Those ones explode!" "Traitor! You, like beat me at cards the other day!" and "Sky's blue, you're blue, you're the sky's son!". Finklar was about to slap one across the face, when some more average looking Grubbs pulled them away.
"Like, sorry dude. These guys are like, old dudes from the war against that Sekto Demon guy. They're, like cuckoo in the head man." Said one of them struggling to drag one back home.

'I hope we get out of this place soon,' Thought Finklar as he purchsed some fresh supplies for the remainder of the journey. And a map. 'Those Grubbs are such a pain.' He thought as he paid the clerk, and found a place to stay. Nightfall was nearing, and Finklar wasn't keen on travelling around in darkness.

After some searching there was an almost unnoticeable alleyway. 'Well, it's going to have to do.' Thought Finklar as he stepped in. It took him a minute to get used to, but once you got over that fact that you weren't in a bed, it was definately superior to sleeping out in the open. In here, you didn't need to worry much about an ambush even if it was just a Grubb village. You never knew what they could scheme up. Like the attack on Sekto's dam. Some said an old water god came down to help them. Others said that the same steef that was sighted in New Yolk City had made a reappearance to help the Grubbs. Most people dissaproved of this by noting that the few witnesses of something unGrubbly, yet had fought on their side, had armour, and the steef that had been sighted had no armour. Most people didn't care though. Finklar felt his eyelids drooping just as Abe started to snore lightly. Germ had fallen asleep almost immidiately, as usual. Finklar dreamt that Abe really did have tatoos that could steam roll you, and that Finklar's own glasses had exploded. When he awoke, he didn't remember anything after the shards from his glasses had flown into Queen Margret's face.
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Old 05-11-2009, 01:24 PM
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bugger. i missed the bloody update on another.

the mentally unstable grubbs was quite dark humour, but the remarks were still funny.
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Old 05-17-2009, 09:58 AM
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Chapter 8

Departure


Finklar awoke to the snap of a fire. Nearby, the same fires where crackling away. Deciding that they had no need to stay here any longer, Finklar woke his companions and had his breakfast once they were up and about.
"How much longer?" Asked Abe.
"Can't be that far..." Said finklar grabbing his map, "Nope... Should be just west of this village."
"Well... Lets go then." Said Germ.

They hadn't gone far before they got to a part of the village similar to the insane grubbs. Only here it was a bunch of furtune tellers. The instant they saw them coming, they began offering their sevices. "Your future may be untold for only twenty moolah!" "I charge a mere seventeen moolah for the same thing." "I'll do it for ten!"
"I will tell you your own fortune free. You needn't pay." Said one of the older looking ones. Finklar wasn't interested, but if it shook off these others fellows, he'd do it anyway.
"Alright then." He said.
"Your path is clouded. One cannot know it. Only guess." A while later, Finklar had heard enough. Most of it had to do with him being a waffle, Germ having a moustache, and Abe being a huge opple. All kinds of other garbage had been spewed out as well. The rest of the grubbs seemed to take it seriously. They nodded solemly.
'If they didn't do this for free, it'd be a tourist trap,' Thought Finklar, 'Paying to be told garbage. What are they thinking?'
"Yes, yes... Very enlightning. I will be taking my leave." Said Finklar.
"What a waste of time." Added Finklar under his breath. finklar wondered if they told you more beleiveable things if you paid. But there was no point in dwelling on nonsense. It was time to move on. Up ahead, there was the road to New New Yolk City. Without further ado, the trio walked forth. Behind them, the fortune tellers where yelling things after them like "Beware of he who walks on seventy-two legs!" and "The path may crack beneath your feet." 'The road here may not have been eventful, but it has been annoying.' Thought Finklar. The whole furtune telling thing was a load of junk anyway. Not even New New Yolk city was that full of nuts. The worst they had was mini fortune tellers, irritating pranksters, and a couple gangs of outlaws. 'They need more lawkeepers around here.' Thought Finklar. 'Not that it'd help much. There's not any law to keep here.' The only good thing about that was you didn't need passports or bits of paper. Even Finklar thought that was too much to be effective.

When the night fell, New New Yolk City was nowhere to be seen. They had followed the signs, and up ahead there was another. But the path didn't seem to want to end just yet.
"We'll probrably be there by tommorow." Said Finklar as their camp was finished. It was time to rest.
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Old 05-17-2009, 10:28 AM
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In quite a few ways this is quite a lot like a detective story. I like the plot twists and the action sequences. Germ is brilliant and Finklar is a very pleasant Vykker as well. It's interesting how you have them in direct contact with Oddworld's main character, which is quite an interesting choice as a writer. I look forward to the conclusion of this story.

Edit: I've thought of giving some of my Slig characters hair you know? Or else some kind of high-tech wig. Anyway, Oddey does deserve some +rep. Great job so far


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Old 05-17-2009, 11:41 AM
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its brilliant how you can keep a character's profile so secure and solid when mixing with so many other interesting characters. for example, when Finklar was being consulted by the loony fortune teller, he retained an upper class attitude by what he said "Yes, yes... Very enlightning. I will be taking my leave.", and yet the other characters remained as they had before.

in other words you stick to the character's personality and dont change the way they would act.
and i actually laughed quite loud when i read about Germ having a moustache (i just find the thought of a slig having a moustache very amusing), and being wary of someone with seventy-two legs.

but it would be very sobering if they actually came true.

+rep for making me laugh Oddey, +rep indeed.
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Old 05-18-2009, 07:31 AM
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Originally Posted by AlexFili View Post
In quite a few ways this is quite a lot like a detective story. I like the plot twists and the action sequences. Germ is brilliant and Finklar is a very pleasant Vykker as well. It's interesting how you have them in direct contact with Oddworld's main character, which is quite an interesting choice as a writer. I look forward to the conclusion of this story.

Edit: I've thought of giving some of my Slig characters hair you know? Or else some kind of high-tech wig. Anyway, Oddey does deserve some +rep. Great job so far
What you don't know is, this is meant to be a form of detective story. That's what I decided from the very begining, because I noticed there didn't seem to be any mystery fan-fics here.

You can try the hair thing, but that feels like it's pushing it. High-tech wig seems a bit better.
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its brilliant how you can keep a character's profile so secure and solid when mixing with so many other interesting characters. for example, when Finklar was being consulted by the loony fortune teller, he retained an upper class attitude by what he said "Yes, yes... Very enlightning. I will be taking my leave.", and yet the other characters remained as they had before.

in other words you stick to the character's personality and dont change the way they would act.
and i actually laughed quite loud when i read about Germ having a moustache (i just find the thought of a slig having a moustache very amusing), and being wary of someone with seventy-two legs.

but it would be very sobering if they actually came true.

+rep for making me laugh Oddey, +rep indeed.
I've never even noticed, but it's just what I might have said, traded into upper class words.

Yeah... That's not the most simplest thing to do, but it's easy when you find the proper personalities. I tried very hard to make them just as crazy as the war veterans. Seventy-two legs came out of nowhere.

I was actually considering making one of them come true, but that would kind of make one of them more down to earth than the others.

Thank you for your kind words. And the pos rep!
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Old 05-20-2009, 09:20 AM
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I recall it is acceptable to double-post in the fancorner, if you're bringing in new material.

Chapter 9

Travelling Again


The grubb village was far behind now. New New Yolk City seemed just as far away if not more. It was still nowhere to be seen, although they were following the signs. Finklar turned the possibilities over in his mind. 'New New Yolk City does exist, and is relatively new, so it's unlikely it's destroyed. The only realistic choice is that it's just farther than the map makers thought.' Thought Finklar, though he could not suppress the wild stray thoughts he was having about it. Germ looked a little nervous too.
"Nothing to worry about... Just taking a little longer than I thought." Said Finklar as calmly as he could.

Up ahead, there was a steep decline. Around it, most of the terrain didn't go with it, making it a canyon. Finklar slowed his pace as he walked through. This wasn't the best place to go through. With a canyon, there were too many places guys could hide. A rock tumbled away in the distance. Finklar's eyes darted towards the sound. Nothing appeared to be there. Some sand flowed down another corner. Finklar's eyes repeated the same process. He madly wanted to know who or what was making the noise. Then a couple more stones rolled down from the top of the canyon. Picking up the pace, he ushered Germ and Abe forward a little faster. There was something down there, but Finklar didn't want to stay and find out what. The end of the canyon was just up ahead. Finklar broke into a run, with Abe and Germ not far behind. They stepped out of the canyon. Looking back, Finklar still saw nothing.

A while ahead, the first of New New Yolk City's buildings were coming into veiw. Finklar breathed a silent sigh of releif. At least they were nearly there. And just in time as well. The sun was setting, and the city wasn't even that far away. They would reach it by nightfall. Once there, they'd have to find an inn to stay at. Finklar's thoughts were interupted by a howl. Scrabs where out hunting. And it sounded like they were very near.
"Run." Said Finklar, and so they did. Chancing a look back, he saw the scrabs had spotted them, and they were chacing them.
"Oh dear..." Said Finklar in a slightly sarcastic voice and began to sprint. They were nearly there, and so were the scrabs. The city gates seemed so far though. Somehow, they managed to get inside before the scrabs caught up. Their howls and shrieks could still be heard just outside the gates. Panting, Finklar sat down to rest for a minute. If Abe was exhausted he didn't show it, and neither did Germ. Germ did have mechanical pants for legs. As soon as finklar had caught his breath, they continued throught the now darkened city. Up ahead there was a tavern. Knocking on the door, a clakker asked "Who's 'at?"
"This is us, is that good enough?"
"Yeah I guess so. C'mon in!" Said the clakker opening the door.
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Old 05-20-2009, 09:30 AM
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very tense in the canyon. i love Finklar and his comments.
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Old 05-24-2009, 07:22 AM
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Thank you.

Chapter 10

Safety of the Inn


The door was wide open and the clakker looked at them with slight surprise, then ushered them in.
"Hurry it up, I don't have time ta open and close doors." Said the clakker impatiently. Finklar looked at him dissaprovingly. Pushing that aside, he walked over to the counter. Once there, he drummed his claws against the table patiently, as if to show the clakker how it was done. Whether or not the clakker was listening, the Innkeeper came over to them. He was a clakker too, a bit older and possibly smarter than the other one though.
"So, you here fer a room?" Asked the innkeeper, cutting straight to the chase. Finklar didn't have anything against it, but it didn't seem polite.
"Yes. How much are they?" Replied Finklar.
"Uhhh... Hold on a minute," Said the clakker, reaching underneath the counter and pulling out a pricing list, "Yeah uh... For you fellows, that'll be 300 moolah." Finklar really wasn't in the mood for argueing about the price and just paid it and waited for the room number.
"Right, your room is 7... Better take 8 just in case I already gave somebody 7." Said The innkeeper, before walking off to cater other customers.

The inn was a host to some things that not even Finklar had seen. Off in the corner, there was a slig with a huge brimmed hat, which concealed his face. Over at another table, three slug-like creatures were playing a game of cards, and Finklar thought he could see a glukkon wearing mechanical pants. At a table near where Finklar had decided to sit, there was a literally legless mudokon. Instead, he had a heavily modified pair of flying slig pants. Finklar had ordered something to eat, namely an opple omlette. How they made such a thing, Finklar wasn't sure, but it tasted great. Abe had gotten himself an assortment of plants and greens, while Germ was sitting with five packits of fuzzle bites.

After the meal, Finklar and Abe had gone upstairs to go to sleep. Germ hadn't actually finished his food yet so he had stayed downstairs. 'That slig needs to eat less. He's going to kill himself with that kind of diet.' Thought Finklar as he opened the door to their room. It was empty and looked like nobody had used it for a while. The beds looked good enough too. 'Adequate, but not perfect.' Thought Finklar as he sat down on the bed. It was just as fine as it looked. Abe was already asleep. Anywhere seemed to be good enough for him. Finklar closed his eyes and slowly felt himself becoming less and less self-consious. With that, he was asleep.
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Old 05-24-2009, 02:12 PM
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that inn scene was great. the variety of different creatures with dense pasts kept me reading.

i have a bad feeling about Finklar going to sleep without Germ on his guard. We'll see.
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Old 05-27-2009, 10:03 AM
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Well... Here you are.
Chapter 11

Where am I?


Finklar was having a very strange dream. Abe was in the kitchen preparing a kind of soup, while Germ was protesting that they didn't need cake when they lived in a plank of wood. 'You can't live in a plank of wood!' Thought Finklar dimmly. Pies began to fall, and one landed in the soup, which had turned into a meech. Germ started to throw cards at Finklar's twin, who merely used his ice power to melt them. Then, infuriated, the Raisen came in with a huge scrab in his hand. He whacked the counter with it several times. The scrab didn't seem to mind. 'This is insane.' Thought Finklar as the world faded away at a snail's pace.

Finklar's eyes slowly opened. What he saw, was not what he expected. He was in a dark wooden room. He tried to stretch his arms, but found he couldn't. A closer inspection showed they were tied. Abe was a meter away tied like Finklar, only with a gag as well. 'To stop him from chanting I guess.' Thought Finklar. Behind Abe was Germ, who was free and was unbinding Abe's hands.
"When you're finished, get me out of here too." Said Finklar. Germ looked at him in surprise. Then after a short silence, Germ laughed. Finklar had no clue what he was talking about. Then Germ backed away from Abe. That was when Abe woke up. His eyes snapped into focus when he realized it wasn't the tavern they had stayed at. He couldn't move his arms either. Finklar realized that Germ hadn't been unknotting Abe's wrists, he had been tying them.
"It wasn't easy," Said Germ mockingly, "Catching you unaware. But, here we are." Finklar saw it now. Germ was a traitor. He wasn't on their side. Abe seemed to have grasped that fact too and was madly trying to chant, with no sucess. Germ just smiled sickly.

A while later, the same slig wearing the huge brimmed hat came in. He still had his face hidden. Finklar's eyes narrowed.
"He's been with us since you got hold of Vykker Labs. That's what we're after. Without a leader, it'll be easy as heck to get in and take it for ourselves," Said the slig, "Our leader is everywhere at once. He's a ghost. You'll never find him, or what you came here for, 'cause he isn't here." Finklar didn't beleive it. Germ wasn't with them, and the whole reason they came here was a fake. 'When I get out of here, I'll have to have a little chat with those green fellows.' Thought Finklar as he looked at Germ, with hatred burning in his eyes.
"Where are we?" Asked Finklar through his gritted teeth. The slig merely laughed as he headed for the exit.
"We can't stay here all day. We have an invasion to plan, and a really big ship to get our hands on." Said the slig as an outlaw came in to make sure they didn't escape. He was huge, but the huge were never very bright in Finklar's experience. 'We'll just have to wait.' Thought Finklar. The guard already looked bored, and began toying with a knife, flipping it around in the air and catching it every time. 'He'll kill himself with those kind of habits.' Thought Finklar dissaprovingly. Even in such a situation, Finklar still had a critic's attitude.


Bet you guys weren't expecting that!
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Old 05-29-2009, 02:39 PM
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MA is a sacred manifestation of the hippy-dippy spirit of Great Mother OWF (8997)MA is a sacred manifestation of the hippy-dippy spirit of Great Mother OWF (8997)MA is a sacred manifestation of the hippy-dippy spirit of Great Mother OWF (8997)MA is a sacred manifestation of the hippy-dippy spirit of Great Mother OWF (8997)MA is a sacred manifestation of the hippy-dippy spirit of Great Mother OWF (8997)MA is a sacred manifestation of the hippy-dippy spirit of Great Mother OWF (8997)MA is a sacred manifestation of the hippy-dippy spirit of Great Mother OWF (8997)MA is a sacred manifestation of the hippy-dippy spirit of Great Mother OWF (8997)MA is a sacred manifestation of the hippy-dippy spirit of Great Mother OWF (8997)MA is a sacred manifestation of the hippy-dippy spirit of Great Mother OWF (8997)MA is a sacred manifestation of the hippy-dippy spirit of Great Mother OWF (8997)
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i was NOT expecting that, and i really wanted it to be another dream when they found out Germ was a traitor. i liked Germ.

BIG twist. you've got a knack at writing this genre of story.

also i couldnt help laughing at the dream Finklar had, with Finklar being the only one acting normal.
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