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  #1  
Old 04-02-2011, 04:50 PM
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Oddworld S.F.L.A

Hey guy’s I haven’t seen much fan fiction’s so I thought I might start up my own, this is just the opening so take a look and I hope you like it.

*********************************

Epilogue:

For year’s the mudoken’s have been at war with the slig’s run by their general drisk the glukkon. many have perished during the war and now we’re going to put it to an end.


Main Storyline:

We have made a team of five mudoken’s called SFLA (Superior.Front.Line.Assault), this team is the best of the best. At 0500 hour’s this team will be sent into the front line to capture and interrogate the enemy. Their record’s and I.D are in this folder feel free to browse through them.

Zed – REBOUND

Race: mudoken
Gender: male
Age: 19 (in human year’s)
Appearance: an average build, green in colour, wears a white loincloth, young
Biography: The youngest on the team, his mother died giving birth to him, no-one knows anything about his father, he was taken in by an army general who taught him everything he knows, he died in battle when zed was 16.

Duane – SHIELD

Race: mudoken
Gender: male
Age: 28
Appearance: Massive Build, wear’s a giant brown loincloth and strap’s for ammunition Brown in coulour, bald
Biography: Duane used to be a pro weight lifter until his brother was killed in the war ever since than he’s been training to avenge his brother, he’s hard on the out side but also a real softie.

Rio – BOMB

Race: mudoken
Gender: male
Age: 25
Appearance: average build, wears a loincloth with heap’s of pockets for explosive’s, green I colour
Biography: Rio was 8 when he threw his first grenade, ever since then he has been obsessed with explosive’s, he is also one of the smartest person anyone has ever seen.

Hope – ARROW

Race: mudoken
Gender: female
Age: 22
Appearance: slim build, flexible, wears a chest down loincloth, blue in colour
Biography: In school Hope was always fighting all the boy’s to prove that girl’s can be strong as well, she has trained her body to withstand most attack’s

??? – SNAKE-EYES

Race: mudoken
Gender: male
Age: ??
Appearance: always wears black all over his body, slim but strong, no-one has ever seen his face
Biography: not much is known about SNAKE-EYES he joined a spec op’s team about 20 year’s ago and was the only one who came back, he is a perfect sniper.


They will all be armed and ready tomorrow.

-26 march 1274

*********************************




so what do you think?

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  #2  
Old 04-03-2011, 04:56 AM
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Oanst's Fanfic is to die for.
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  #3  
Old 04-04-2011, 01:12 PM
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I havent seen his yet whats it called?

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Old 04-04-2011, 07:00 PM
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OANST WRITES FANFICTION! THE MASSES REJOICE!

I think.

Also, his Stranger/Masterchief thing is floating around somewhere.
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  #5  
Old 04-04-2011, 07:12 PM
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ok... any feedback on my story???

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  #6  
Old 04-04-2011, 07:22 PM
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What story? All I see are descriptions of characters.
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Old 04-04-2011, 07:25 PM
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Here's the story right here:

Quote:
Originally Posted by CrissCross
They will all be armed and ready tomorrow.
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Old 04-05-2011, 02:25 PM
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True that was a stupid question, but I wrote my first chapter so I hope you like it.


S.F.L.A chapter 1 - Drew

"Wake up" said Duane as he lightly tapped me on the shoulder "come on drew we're getting dropped soon"
I got up and shook my head as my eyes adjusted to the light, I saw the other's waking up the new recruit zed telling him how the protocol goes, like how to land, what happens if your drop pod gets jammed the usual.
I grabbed my grenades and some c4, pulled my pistol out of my pocket and loaded it.
"OK" Duane said in a loud voice "I hope you all had a good flight but now we got to get serious, were going to have to cover a lot of ground today and this is how the plan is going to go."
"First were going to split into teams, hope you're with Snake"
"Just my luck" hope said in a sarcastic voice
"Drew you're with Zed, help him out if he needs it"
"will do" I say
"And I’ll go by myself, remember our mission is to capture one of Drisks associates Dr nymph one of the smartest vykers alive, the problem is his lab is heavily guarded so this is how we're going to do it, I’m going to go through the front entrance, hope, snake you guys will go through the entrance on the left and drew, zed you guys will try and infiltrate the top, any questions? ... no, okay then get in you’re drop pods and keep your Transmitters on",
"Roger!"

A few minutes later I was in my drop pod
"Is this hard drew?" I heard Zed say in my transmitter,
“Just don’t let your guard down”
I heard the countdown go off
“5,4,3,2,1 beep”
I heard my drop pod unlatch from the ship
I heard the wind pounding on the drop pod
“come on guys lets get this right the first time jump out… now!”
“I opened the door on my drop pod and leapt out into a tuck roll so I didn’t harm myself”
My drop pod crashed into the ground and sent dirt and debris everywhere, I started running
a slig patrol saw us and started firing at us
I jumped behind a giant rock and pulled the pin out of a grenade and threw it over my head
I looked back and saw zed struggling to get out of his drop pod
BANG! my grenade went off and took out 2 of the sligs
Meat went flying out everywhere
“Come on zed I said through my transmitter”
I saw him break open the glass on his drop pod and come out
“I’m ok”
I pulled out my pistol and so did zed
I looked over the rock as bullets started pelting on the rock
Bang I shot one in the head, and I watched it fly backwards
“1 down 2 to go”
I picked up a small rock and threw it at another rock to the side of me
They looked over there
I rolled to the side bang one straight through the chest
Zed shot the other one
“nice aim rookie”
“ thanks”
I aimed my gun at him
Look out!
He quickly ducked
I shot the slig behind him
“crap that was a close one”
I ran up to zed and helped him up
Come on, he labs over that hill.

By the time we got over the hill I checked in with the others
“you guys all right?”
“I’m fine over here” Duane said
“Hope got a minor injury in her leg, we’re at the top of the hill on the left”
“Damn” I said
“ok we’re going to do a formation 6 ok”
“what’s a formation 6” zed asked me
“It’s when we run straight up the guts well the others shoot the slig patrols”
“we go in 3… 2… 1… GO!”
I started running up to the giant lab
The sligs opened fire on us
Hundreds of bullets went flying past us
a few bullets skimmed my skin
“We’ll jump up that ledge and go through the vents”
We were almost there
Bang, a bullet went straight through my leg
Blood was pouring down my leg and my vision went a bit fuzzy
I forced all my energy into my leg and leapt through the air
I grabbed the ledge and pulled my self up and rolled into the vent
Zed followed
We sat there for a while breathing loudly
I turned on my transmitter
“we made it” I said
Zed looked at me
“your leg”
“it’s fine, C’mon”
And I started crawling through the vent.

************************************************

Please give feedback

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  #9  
Old 04-05-2011, 02:38 PM
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Genius. Literary genius. Almost as good as OANST and Ridg3's stories.
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  #10  
Old 04-05-2011, 03:01 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CrissCross
Please give feedback
http://tinyurl.com/yeqpqjy
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  #11  
Old 04-05-2011, 10:28 PM
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Awesome. one of the best i have EVER read
P.S they are some bad ass mudokens
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Old 04-06-2011, 08:58 AM
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I turned on my transmitter
“we made it” I said
Zed looked at me
“your leg”
“it’s fine, C’mon”
Then Zed was a zombie.
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its a sex injury: im missing my left ear. dont ask.

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Old 04-11-2011, 11:32 PM
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thanks for giving away the story dixandu!!!

nah just jokes but i just finished the next chapter so here it is

S.F.L.A chapter 2 - Drew

I looked at Zed, sweat running down his face
his eyes filled with fear
"it's ok you will make it out of this, I’ll make sure of that
he nodded and we decided to continue crawling down the vents
I tried to hide the fact that I was in so much pain
I looked down at my leg, covered in blood
"I think I hear someone" zed told me
we crawled over to an opening in the vent
we peeked through, listening to drisk's assistant Nymph
“what’s that”
I saw him talking to drisk through a small projection screen
"are they almost ready" I heard drisk say
"They just need a little more tim-"
"FOOL!!!"
"Im s-s-sorry sir, I might be able to release them early"
"just get them here by tomorrow"
"yes sir"
I heard the projection turn off
"I didn't want to resort to this but I guess I’ll have to"
I looked at zed
"on my mark we'll break through, 3,2,1"
I kicked the bottom of the vent and jumped down
"FREEZE!" I yelled at the vyker
he turned around and Smirked at me
"you'll be a good test subject"
I looked around
"what the hell"
there were lines and lines of Specially armored sligs in jars of some sort of liquid
the vyker pressed one of the buttons on one of the jars
"you shall be the first to witness my creation"
"Omega slig mark IV"
The liquid slowly depleted from the glass prison
and I saw the slig open its eyes
it was gigantic!
he punched the glass and shard's of glass went flying everywhere
"take cover!" I yelled
I saw zed run and flip over a desk and hide behind it
I jumped behind cement column as I saw the vyker run out of the lab
"Configuration matched" I heard the slig say in a robotic voice
I grabbed my pistol and shot it in the head
"yes!"
"threat detected, Open fire"
"what, but I got it"
he looked at us and pulled out a giant Gatling gun
"Function fire"
Zed looked at me
"let's do this"
all of a sudden the giant slig unleashed a rain of bullets on us
destroying everything
sending research papers everywhere
I grabbed my grenades and pulled the pin off two
I tossed them right under him
he looked down at the grenades
BANG! the explosion sent a cloud of smoke into the air
I jumped back and aimed my pistol at the cloud of smoke
zed saw me and did the same
"did we finish him drew"
"I don’t know"
the smoked started to rise
the slig emerged from the smoke without a single scratch
"FUCK!"
he unleashed his Gatling gun on us a few bullets went through my arms and legs
I jumped to the side behind a massive machine
I looked over at zed, it looked like he took some bullets to
I coughed up blood into my hand and my vision went hazy again
"Zed, see that scalp over there"
"yeah"
"throw it over here"
he grabbed it and tossed it over to me
I picked it up
"on my signal I want you to open fire"
the slig got his gun ready
"NOW!"
Zed unleashed fire and so did the slig
I started running up to him bullet skimming my skin
I grabbed the scalp and thrusted into his chest
he looked at me with a deadly intent
"JUST DIE!"
I grabbed a grenade and thrust it into the scalp
BANG! it exploded and blood went flying everywhere
the explosion sent me flying across the room
"Shit"
Zed checked the corpse of the slig
"F-F-Function Sh-Shut dooowwwnnnn..."
Zed ran over to me
"are you ok"
"I wish I could say yes" I said in a humorous tone
I coughed up some more blood
"come on drew you can make it out of this"
"I cant but you can"
"I’ll stay here and destroy the rest of the slig's"
Zed looked at me
"You’re going to blow the lab up aren't you"
I laughed
"you know me to well"
"it's been an honor" Zed said
"likewise, now get out of here"
"Roger!"
and I saw him run out
I grabbed the c4 out of my pocket
and set it to 10 seconds
I turned on my transmitter
"Remember me"
BBBBAAAANNNNGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  #14  
Old 04-12-2011, 11:50 AM
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the smoked started to rise
You are fanfiction GOD.
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its a sex injury: im missing my left ear. dont ask.

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Old 04-12-2011, 09:18 PM
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thanks i'll write chapter 3 up soon

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Old 04-17-2011, 03:33 AM
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Please do. I'm waiting.
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its a sex injury: im missing my left ear. dont ask.

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Old 04-17-2011, 04:18 AM
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We so excited.
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Old 04-17-2011, 04:20 AM
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Hurry up, CrissCross. I'm only using half the seat I paid for.
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  #19  
Old 04-17-2011, 04:48 AM
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I'm using none of it, I'm floating. Hurry CC we're out of time.
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Oh yeah, fair point. Maybe he was just tortured until he lost consciousness.

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  #20  
Old 04-17-2011, 07:43 AM
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I hate waiting for CC's update...but the priiize...
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its a sex injury: im missing my left ear. dont ask.

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  #21  
Old 04-17-2011, 08:06 AM
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It's an orgasm for your eyes and every hot girl is invited!
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Oh yeah, fair point. Maybe he was just tortured until he lost consciousness.

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  #22  
Old 04-17-2011, 11:42 AM
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uh-oh this is bad
im going to my dads for a week and he doesent have internet write now but i should be able to make 2-3 chapters in that time and i'll see if i can go to mates or something to upload my next chapter

check at the end of the day it should be there

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  #23  
Old 04-17-2011, 01:44 PM
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FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
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  #24  
Old 04-17-2011, 02:34 PM
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yeah sorry about that i just finished the third chapter
although it's more like a run up to the next chapter
and also I'm going to be posting at least 2 chapter's a week

S.F.L.A chapter 3 - Hope

"I cant believe he's gone"
Duane came up to me and threw his gigantic hand on my shoulder
"at least he didn't die in vain"
"we got him"
I looked up and saw zed and snake pulling D.r nymph behind them
he was writhing around trying to get free
"Where is drisk!"
Duane said in a scary voice
"Why should I tell you"
Duane grabbed him by his neck and pulled him up close to his face
"Or i'll beat the shit out of you"
nymph's whole expression changed
he was shaking fiercely
"h-h-he's hiding"
"WHERE!"
"I-In a base located just outside of the n-necrum b-b-"
"Burial ground's shit how are we gonna get there"
"we could take the train"
I said
"yeah were just going to go in there and ask" zed said in a sarcastic voice
"who said we were going to ask?"
zed smiled at me
"of course"
"do you want me to kill nymph" snake said
nymph looked at us and fell to his knees
"please spare me"
Duane nodded at snake
"w-wait does that mean you'll spare me
snake walked up to nymph
"goodnight"
Bang!
nymph fell backwards blood coming out of the hole in his head
"let's go if we hurry we can catch up to the early train by tomorrow morning"
"hope none of you are tired"
...
15 hour's later
Zed ran up to me
"Hey are we almost there yet?"zed asked me
"we should be there soon, can I ask you a question"
"shoot"
"when you were with drew fighting the slig how did you kill it?"
"well actually drew killed it he grabbed a scalp pushed into the slig's chest and then he pushed a grenade into it and it exploded on impact blowing up the slig from the inside"
"hmm at least they're all dead now"
"yeah, hopefully
CCHHHOOOOOO!
we heard the train coming
"Come on!"
we all ran over the hill and saw the train
We all started climbing up the columns of the train tracks
"now remember on my signal jump onto the side of the train"
we saw the train heading right for us
"Go!"
"I jumped on the side and grabbed onto a little ber on the side of the train
zed was behind me
I pulled myself to the door and punched open the glass door
there was a slig sitting in the front
"Wait!"
I pulled out my gun and shot it through the head
the body fell to the ground
I picked him up and threw him out the door
"train is in possession" I said through my transmitter
"we're coming in the front" Duane said
"is there any food in there" zed said
they pulled themselves into the front
"does anyone know how to work this thing?"
"I do" snake said
He jumped in the front and started pushing all these button's
"Let's make this a clean mission guy's"
"it's bad enough with drew gone..."

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  #25  
Old 04-18-2011, 01:34 AM
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Fucking gripping stuff. The people on this site are not fit to kiss your shoes, good sir.
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its a sex injury: im missing my left ear. dont ask.

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  #26  
Old 05-09-2011, 11:16 AM
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It's a fun-filled, fast-paced race to see who can blow everything up the fastest. New idea for sure...Definitely a crowd-pleaser...Pretty good.
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Master of ellipsis...

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  #27  
Old 05-10-2011, 01:36 AM
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yeah il'll write the next chapter when i can be bothered probably tomorrow

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  #28  
Old 05-16-2011, 11:26 AM
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Dixanadu Dixanadu is offline
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That was like a week ago, come on!
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its a sex injury: im missing my left ear. dont ask.

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  #29  
Old 05-17-2011, 01:00 PM
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He's more concerned with getting his icon's cookie to to go into his icon's mouth.
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